Tribute to my darling wife, best friend, colleague, motivation, and angel!
My sweetest Oli, it is said that God is too kind to be cruel, but why did fate deal me such a cruel blow? How am I supposed to cope without you my soul mate?
My dearest Oli, it is said that God is too deep to explain himself, but how am I to know that my life would suddenly change on that afternoon of Saturday the 17th of April 2021 with your sudden exit?
My loveliest Oli, it is said that God is too wise to make a mistake, but what is this nightmare I have not woken up from? Who can tell me the meaning of all these?
There are no words in any language to describe you, who you are and what you mean to me. God sent you, one of his angels down to earth to take care of me. There are also no words in any language to explain my devastation since you left me, left us. I am desolate, I am lost, I am crushed, and my world is spinning. I really wished you stayed longer but like magic you are gone.
We shared our lives, our world, our hopes, our plans, our fears, our faith, our career, our joy, and our pains. Our lives were completely intertwined. We shared our greatest gift which is love. You took my heart and made it yours, but you left me suddenly without an opportunity for goodbye, leaving me broken and shattered. Now I am left without joy but only pains. I am only left with memories, your memories, our memories. Only memories all the same.
You were smart, brilliant, and intellectually stimulating. I was in awe of you each day I wake up. We could engage at that level from sunrise to sunset. You were a loving and thorough clinician who had empathy for your patients. You were a deep thinker, a passionate researcher and a fierce advocate for Universal Health Coverage and a promising world-class academic. All your colleagues and professorial advisory team at the London School of Economics echoed this at every opportunity. I could not stop speaking highly of you to every colleague of mine at Oxford, University College London and Edinburgh. They all virtually feel they have known you for years.
I know you are seated up there in heaven and you can see how broken I am. We had our own world, we built our own world, we lived for us and by us in our own world. Ours was not a perfect world, but it was perfect for the two imperfect people that we are. With you I was complete. In you I was complete. But in a matter of seconds, you evaporated from my life without a warning or any sign.
We are meant to grow old together, living, walking, holding hands, sleeping, eating, reading, laughing, traveling, loving, and doing all the things we always do. Now, you will forever remain young in my heart and mind. You will never grow older than the last time I saw you.
I close my eyes hoping this was some dream that I can wake up from. I stare at the door thinking you will walk in saying you took longer than you planned outdoor. But this is some tragic reality. My sad reality and as the days roll by my reality hits harder. My heart aches and the feeling of it ripping apart will not go away.
More than 8 years ago on the 20th of October 2012, during our wedding reception, I recited this poem to you.
Soul mate
I had eyes
Which could not see.
I had ears
Which could not hear
I had nostrils
Which could not smell.
I had lungs
Which could not breath
I had brains
Which could not think
I had hands
Which could not touch.
I had legs
Which could not walk.
I had a heart
Which could not beat
Then you came my way Oli
I can see
I can hear
I can smell
I can breathe
I can think
I can touch
I can walk
I can feel
But above all, now I can love.
Then suddenly you left. You left me. Today I stand alone without you my all, without you my love, without you, my wife; dejected, confused, and helpless. You left me stranded in this world. I stand bare while the arrows of pains pierce my heart, flesh, and bones because the most beautiful soul on earth, the most loving being under the firmament, my most cherished of God’s creation left me without saying goodbye. Without me saying sorry or forgive me. We were still talking, and you just left.
You were always praying, for me, for you, for us. You prayed for all our plans and hopes. You prayed on your knees, on your feet and your back. Your rosaries and bibles were at every corner of homes. You prayed at day and night, yet God did not keep you for me? You of all people know how empty I am now. I look back at the over 15 years of knowing and loving you, I look back at over the 8 years of being married to you. All gone? Gone like the wind or with the wind? When will you come back to me?
My darling Oli come back please.
Please come back to me Honey!
May you live forever in God’s glory with all the holy angels and saints till we meet to part no more. The memory of the Just shall never be forgotten.
You shall be remembered for always!
Your broken husband,
Sabastine.