I wrote the following entry shortly after we buried our son. I needed to reflect on what I still couldn’t believe I was living.
4/10/06 Monday ~ It was just another Monday. We finished dinner, Rick wasn’t home yet, and Dan (my husband) was going to run up to the store for a pop. He was gone a little long but he often stopped by the neighbors to chat. When Dan came home, our lives changed forever. He came in the back door, I was sitting at the table, and he said, “Don’t freak out, Rick has been in an accident. We have to get to Hurley hospital.” My heart stopped. I felt the tears roll down my check as I asked if he was going to be all right. My husband said he didn’t know. On the way to the hospital, Dan said he saw the car and it was bad. He wanted me to call Matt (our oldest son). I hated to call Matt, because he just, that day, went to the funeral of a friend who had died from a motorcycle accident the previous Thursday. I called him and my dad. I told my dad not to come to the hospital. I worried about him. I instead asked him to check on the dogs.
When we arrived at the hospital, we went in the main lobby entrance and looked totally confused as to where to go. Someone helped us get back to the ER area. She must have worked there, because she knew of a couple of accidents that night. As we walked back she told us of one where a female driver was going over 90 mph and hit head on with another driver when she crossed the centerline. I said, that couldn’t be him; Rick was on Miller Road in Swartz Creek. When we went to the nurses’ station in the ER, they wanted to put us in a waiting room. I demanded to speak with someone about the condition of our son. She first got a social worker. Not a good sign I thought. Finally, a doctor came out to talk with us. He informed us that Richard was in a very bad accident; but didn’t go into a lot of detail about his injuries. We waited in a waiting room down the hall. I started feeling sick. I couldn’t get enough water. I asked my sister to see if she could find me a cold washcloth. Turns out, I carried that washcloth around for 2 days. It helped keep me from fainting. I instantly was sick to my stomach as well. Waiting was awful. I got a glimpse of them rolling Richard down the hall, to take him to get some tests. I took off after them and caught up with them at the elevator. I told him we were there. He looked so bad; blood was coming out of his ear. Obviously, I was instantly upset.
A doctor finally came to the ER waiting room – probably about 10:30 pm. He went over some of Rick’s injuries; starting from his head and working down. I didn’t get it all down (taking notes); it was pretty extensive and I wasn’t in a very good state. According to my notes: CAT scan showed bruising, brain contusion. Didn’t know how serious these would be. Would have ICP monitor to watch pressure. This injury worried me. He went on to tell us many other injuries. In the coming days more details would show. He said they would be doing surgery in probably 1-½ hours (around midnight) to fix his legs. It turned out he didn’t have surgery until 8:00 am the next morning. The surgeons had to operate on someone else. I suspected it was the driver of the other vehicle. During the night, Rick’s pressure remained pretty good, but still early. My hospital notes will tell a little more on his injuries. I don’t think I ever got it all, because there was so much. The surgery was about 7 hours long. After talking to the doctors and seeing Rick back in his room; we decided to go and try to rest. We haven’t slept since Sunday night. We got a few hours rest.
On Wednesday ~ Rick was doing ok; his pressures remained ok. They were constantly monitoring him. I was constantly shutting off TV’s in the waiting rooms; because I wanted nothing but my thoughts of Richard getting through this and coming home.
When the offender’s mom and aunt came to Richard’s room, I really didn’t want to deal with it. I know they must have been upset; but her daughter was down the hall, able to scream obscenities and breath on her own. The mom wrote her name, address and phone number down and gave it to us. My hope was always that Rick was going to pull through this; he’s so young.
On Thursday ~ when I talked to the neuro surgeon, my hope began to diminish a little. He showed me the CAT scans from when Rick was first admitted on the 10th to the 13th. The damage was getting worse. He said the left side of the brain was extensively damaged and he could be in a vegetative state or this could still lead to his demise. I felt strange, tingly all over. The next thing I remember was waking up on the cement floor; with the doctor telling me that he put me there, so I wouldn’t fall. They took my blood pressure a few times and gave me some juice. They said I have to start eating. I haven’t had an appetite and haven’t eaten hardly at all. I decided to eat better, so I could be strong for Richard.
I had also went to my family doctor that morning, 4/13/06, to get something for my nerves and maybe to help me rest.
Later that Thursday night; another doctor told us that Richard had internal bleeding (abdomen) and would have to have another surgery to remove the damaged spleen. The surgery itself went well. They took the spleen and it was the cause of the bleeding. It was around 2:00 – 2:30 am on Friday.
The weekend was a matter of keeping his pressure (brain) under control. This was managed pretty well – until Sunday night (Easter Sunday this year). The pressure started to increase a little. After visiting hours, I was going to stay at the hospital, but the nurse said to go home and try to get some rest. We live pretty close. I went to bed crying – knowing things were getting a little worse, but still hoping they’d get better. At 3:30 am Monday, 4/17/06, when the phone rang, I knew it was bad. His pressures were up and they couldn’t do anything more to bring them down.
After Sunday night, when they thought he breathed on his own, when taking him off the coma drug, I was so hopeful (maybe a miracle). He never showed any signs of life when the coma drug was stopped. No pupil reaction to light, no reflexes or any other signs of life. Now, we had to wait until the doctors came in later that morning to do a test to see if there was any blood flow to the brain.
I kept thinking, at least I was able to hold his hand and talk to him; tell him how much we loved him, during the past week. I hope he heard me. I couldn’t hug him because of all the tubes they had in him. What an absolute nightmare this was. I couldn’t believe it was happening.
Just before 2:00 pm, 4/17/06, the doctors came to the hospital family room to inform us that our son had no blood flow to his brain and that brain death had been determined. I wasn’t totally surprised at this point; but we could always hope for a miracle. Both my husband and I had taken a scheduled vacation day from work today (4/17/06), it was our 28th wedding anniversary.
I couldn’t believe our son’s life was taken because of the irresponsible actions of an under aged drinker.