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August 21, 2023
Just sharing a moment in time.  Yes, it's been 13 years since you passed.  People who think that's long enough to grieve obviously haven't lost a child (man).  But I was sitting in the living room this morning, drinking my coffee and chit-chatting with the dogs (no I'm not crazy, the dogs are like people to us), but I suddenly had this saying come to mind from years ago of your life that I used to say alot and I said it out loud to the dogs, "  I love you a little, I love you alot, but not as much as I love Scott" and the tears just fell like rain.  Even as I write this, tears are falling.  Time means nothing when you've lost someone you love.  Please don't ask me to just get over it!
November 4, 2021
What a wonderful day to remember, November 4, 1974 at 4:04pm! You were born. You gave me 35 years of memories, mostly good. It's what I hold on to, what gets me through to the next day. Some fond, happy memories I cherish of you through the years are: 
The day you were born, you were the only boy in the nursery with about 5 girls.They used to say you had your own harem.
When you came home, Aunt Debbie was living with us and we took a picture of you every time you made a different face.
When we moved to Fl., you accidently fell off the changing table and was rushed to the hospital. You had a hairline fracture! I was so scared for you!
When you were about 3 we were waiting in line at a new store opening and you pulled a metal line marker down on your head. They called an ambulance and we went to the hospital and you got 3 stitches in your head. Everything was paid for by the store.
When you were about 4, I tried putting you in child care so I could go to work. You screamed everything you saw the school and clung to me when I tried to leave. They said you wouldn't play with the other kids, you sat behind the door and waited for me to come back. I took you out of daycare after 2 weeks.
When you started 1st grade, you had your 1st girlfriend, Darcy Montgomery. On Valentines Day, she came to our house in The Colony and brought you a card and chocolates.
In 2nd grade, you were caught in a photo with the school's crossing guard because she was dressed in an Easter bunny costume and the photo made the local paper as well as newspapers around the world.
These are some of my favorites. I can't list them all, but I treasure them all.I always called you my "shining star" and I still do. You had alot of talents> skateboarding, rollerblading, amazing artist, computer expert, animal lover, BMX and more. Thank you for these memories and more. I miss you and love you so very much. I hope there's a celebration for you in Heaven as you would now be 47. Forever and Ever, "Ma"


March 21, 2020
March 2020
The world has been hit by the corona virus (covid-19) and we are all to be self-quarantined.  This could be weeks or longer before it is safe to go back to work, interact with people and have some normalcy again. So many things are closed:  schools, malls, restaurants, colleges, bars, beaches, theatres.  Supplies, food and water are scarce and over-priced.  So many people have lost their jobs which means no income, no money to pay bills, rent, etc.  Some don't even know if there will be a job to go back to.  Seniors are going to miss making memories, prom, etc.  Trinity can't show her pig, go to prom or go on her planned trip this summer to Dominican Republic!  It's bad everywhere and we don't know how much worse it will get or for how long.  I truly believe the only way out is through belief and prayer to God.  We took God out of so much of our life there is no protection for us.  I am praying for myself, my family and friends, our nation and all unbelievers.  GOD BLESS AMERICA!!

2019 Trip Home

August 8, 2019
It has been 24 years since I was home in Pa.  Thanks to my amazing daughter, your sister, she and I are going for a visit Aug 9-13th.  Aunt Debbie/ Rik are going to be there Aug 8-14th.. I hope to surprise her for an early bday gift as they don't know we are coming.  
They held off having The Bennett Reunion till we get there so we will be able to see extended family as well.  I have some things I hope to do while we are there, but it all depends on time.  First thing is to get Hank's Frozen Custard!!  I also want to visit the cemetary, go see Aunt Judy/Uncle Howard and if we can fit it in, go to Conneaut Lake Park to walk around and eat their fries with malt vinegar.  But my main thing is to spend as much time with family as possible because this will be my last trip home.

The Big Decision

March 26, 2019

Hey, Son after 15 and a half years, I quit Big Lots!!  I have moved to New Braunfels to be with Heather and her family.  So far there has been pros 'n cons for me, but I really think it's a good decision.  The hardest parts of the move are leaving Justin behind although he's doing the best he's done ever and he is allowing himself to be happy, also not having a weekly paycheck to help with bills and necessities is just plain scary.  I don't want to be dependent on Heather for my needs.  I have managed to put aside some money, but I don't want it to run out before my life does.  Now I can go to your memorial site more and maintain it and add to it.  Gotta learn how to get there on my own tho.  Gotta find a life purpose now so I don't fall into depression.  I love you and I will never stop missing you and will forever carry you in my heart.    Love, "Ma"

July 16, 2018

I took off July 11-15 to go to Heather's while Trinity & Tristin were there to spend more time with them and out of the blue, J, Kristi &Tyler showed up too! They stayed Thur-Sat. All the cousins had a blast together.  It was great watching them interact.  They were all so good to Tyler and he had a blast!  Most everyone went on the river several times.  On Fri. we went to your memorial and added a couple items as your girls, J, Kristi & Tyler had never been there.  We took pics and went to eat at MOD Pizza.  The whole weekend was wonderful!  I think it's the best gathering we've had since we lost you.  I brought the girls back home with me on Sunday.  I somehow felt your presence.  I saw cardinals several times.  The only way it could be been better is if Ed had come as well and if you were physically there as well.  We love n miss you, Son!           "Ma"

October 18, 2017
Looking for the Light - Looking for the Light

I remember when you were in jail in Paola, Ks. and we were writing almost weekly.  You sent letters in beautiful envelopes with your artwork on them!  You were always so talented.  We also talked atleast once a week.  During one of those calls, you asked if I heard the song "Looking for The Light" by Rick Trevino.  I said no and you asked me to go buy it and listen carefully to the words and it would tell me how much you loved me.  I did and it really brought tears to my eyes and still does today.  The song ends with him being with his mama when she passes away and I always thought you would be there for me on my last day, not knowing I would lose you before then and I wouldn't be there for you as you passed away.  Life isn't fair and it's taught me to love now and don't expect a tomorrow.  Here's that song as a tribute to you, Son, and the love that still remains!  "Ma"

October 15, 2017
Hello Darlin

I've always been a huge fan of Conway's and his song "Hello Darlin" always brought tears to my eyes.  I remember being at your house, in the kitchen, and you put on your playlist and there among all your songs was "Hello Darlin".  When it started playing, my eyes got misty and you started dancing with me.  I really didn't expect it to be for long, but we danced the whole song!!  Now that song is even more precious to me and I have a beautiful memory to hold onto.  I miss you so much, Son !

September 2, 2017

I remember when you were here for Ike and Katrina.  It was comforting to share those events and have you and the family safe.  Now it's 2017 and we got hit hard with Harvey.  Everyone in the family here is effected in some way with this storm.  It will take months atleast to get thru this.  Your girls are ok but their home had threatening water level.  They have a 2nd story so that was a blessing.  So with all that's happening, all we are dealing with, your absence is very much felt!  We love and miss you, Son.  "Ma" 

Jaden Graduates College, 5/12/17

May 12, 2017

Today is monumental, for Jaden and for both sides of the family!  No one on either side has made this accomplishment!  Altho I can't attend, he has my heart and pride this day and always!  I know if you were here Scott that you would be proud as well and that you would be there.  Events like this just make your absence more noticeable. I had to share this day with you because to me you are still very much a part of our lives.  Love you, Son.

February 10, 2017

This isn't a story, it's more of a shared experience.  I just want to say that I pray daily, sometimes many times, but always I ask God to bring you to my dreams because I miss you so.  It doesn't always happen, but it has several times and last nite was one of them.  When you visit, it's always a deeper sleep, I feel happy, but I never know you are there until I wake up and then I try so hard to return to sleep for more time with you, but once I awaken, you're gone and it's sad, but I do feel blessed that you were there and that God listens.  I will always be open to the next visit, because it helps me go on and and strengthens me.  But the saddness is always there.

Missing You At Christmas

December 24, 2015

Every day without you, since you had to go, is like summer without sunshine and winter without snow.

I wish that I could talk to you, there's so much I would say. Life has changed so very much since you went away.

I miss the bond between us.  I miss your kind support. You're on my mind and in my heart and every Christmas thought.

I'll always feel you close to me and though you're out of sight, I'll search for you among the stars that shine on Christmas night.

I love you Son and miss you more.  You are forever a part of me.  "Ma"

5 Years!

April 17, 2015

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.  I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.  I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.  All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.  Your memory is my keepsake, with which I 'll never part.  God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.  Forever and Always,  "Ma"

This is how I hold on and move forward..

March 16, 2015

You'll meet me in the light, I know that you can't see me.  Altho I'm up in Heaven, my love for you stays near.

So often I see you crying, many times you call my name.  I want so much to kiss your face and ease some of the pain.

I wish that I could make you see that indeed Heaven is real.  If you could see me run and play, how much better you would feel.

But our loving God has promised me that when the time is right, you'll step out of the darkness and meet me in the light.    

January 22, 2015

Sometimes I catch a glimpse, in softened waves of blue; My child, my heart....when I see a smile, I can't help but think of you.

Sometimes these waves fill oceans, and feelings string on every shore, a collection of each memory and every day I wish for more.

Sometimes I watch for answers because each day I call to you; I ask for faith and courage and strength to help me through.

Sometimes I ask for bravery, like dolphins in the deep, because time moves so slowly and sometimes the road is steep.

Sometimes I want to scream; this was not what I planned!  Why you ever suffered, this mom can't understand.

Sometimes I hear your laughter and remember you at play, but, my child, I always miss you, not sometimes, but EVERY DAY!

Momma loves you Son and I hold you forever in my heart♡♡

A Christmas Letter To Scott, 2014

December 25, 2014

Dear Son:  Christmas has come again and I still feel your absence.  If it weren't for my long, crazy work schedule, I don't know how I'd make it thru.  It keeps my mind busy, but on the way to and from work, my thoughts drift off to you and the tears flow.

People shop regardless of the economy.  Most shop themselves into debt, thinking they will figure it all out after the holidays.  Families will gather to share this day, food, drinks, gifts and memories.

Christmas in Heaven must be glorious!  There the true meaning of Christmas is celebrated.  Christ was born to save those who believe in Him and accept Him and want eternal life.  I've accepted Christ many years ago.  As I age, I get more anxious to come Home.  I've asked God to let me see Justin settled in life with a good job, a car, a home and his family with him, then I will be happy and my time here will be complete.

Your girls are doing well.  They are beautiful, strong, happy young ladies.  Both are doing well in school.  I don't see them as often as I would like to,  but when I do, I always feel your presence.  Although I wish you would have raised them, they are going to be fine!

I donate twice a year to a local animal shelter in your name.  I remember how dedicated you were to animal care and how you tried to save the unloved and impaired ones.  It makes me feel good and I hope it pleases you.

As this holiday runs its course, I want you to know how much I love you, miss you and live to see you in Heaven.  I hold you forever in my heart and always look for my shining star in the sky.  Merry Cristmas my  Son.  Happy Birthday, Jesus!  God Bless us.   "Ma"

My Angel Up In Heaven

November 16, 2014

My angel up in Heaven, I wanted you to know, I feel you watching over me, everywhere I go.

I wish you were here with me, but that can never be, memories of you in my heart that only I can see.

My angel up in Heaven, I hope you understand, that I would give anything, if I could hold your hand.

I'd hold you oh so tightly and never let you go, and all the love inside of me to you I would show.

My angel up in Heaven, for now we are apart, you'll always live inside of me, deep within my heart.

When I Lost You

August 1, 2014

I wish I could see you one more time come walking through the door, but I know that is impossible; I will hear your voice no more.

I know you can feel my tears and you don't want me to cry, yet my heart is broken because I can't understand why someone so precious would choose to die.

I pray that God will give me the strength and somehow get me through as I struggle with this heartache that came when I lost you!

4th of July, 2014

July 4, 2014
Another holiday that feels emptier without you. Your girls are with Aunt Heather and I'm sure there's alot of love and happiness going on there. We try to fill in for your absence, but the truth is, no one can truly fill in that space. I miss you Son and will forever hold you in my heart and keep you on my mind!

I Wish....

May 31, 2014
I wish there was a path that led to where you are I wish that I could be with you, dancing on a star. I wish there was a bridge that would allow me to cross To have one day with you, it would help to lessen my loss. I wish there was a light that would show me the way. I want so much to see you. I have so much to say. Though not the way I want or the way that it should be. But there are so many ways that show that you are near me. I hear your whisper in the wind and feel your touch in the breeze. I see your light in the stars, they all help put my soul at ease. I carry you in my heart, Son. Words can't express the emptiness I feel.

My Angel Up In Heaven

May 11, 2014
My angel up in Heaven I wanted you to know I feel you watching over me everywhere I go. I wish you were here with me, but that can never be. Memories of you in my heart that only I can see. My angel up in Heaven, I hope you understand that I would give anything, if I could hold your hand. I'd hold you oh so tightly, and never let you go And all the love inside me, to you I would show. My angel up in Heaven, for now we are apart, you'll always live inside of me, deep within my heart. I love and miss you daily, Son. My heart can never heal. God keep you till I come home.

When I Lost You

April 21, 2014
I wish I could see you one more time walking thru the door, but I know it's impossible, I will hear your voice no more. I know you can feel my tears and you don't want me to cry, yet my heart is broken because I can't understand why some one so precious had to die. I pray God will give me strength and somehow get me through, as I struggle with the heartache that came when I lost you. I love and miss you , Son, and will forever keep you in my heart!

My Star In Heaven

May 7, 2013
I'm sending a dove to Heaven with a parcel on it's wings. Be careful when you open it, it's full of beautiful things. Inside are a million kisses wrapped up in a mlllion hugs to say how much I miss you and to send you all my love. I hold you close within my heart and there you will remain, to walk with me throughout my life until we meet again! I love and miss you dearly, Son!

Poem in shadowbox from Heather

April 17, 2013
Don't think of him as gone away, his journey has just begun. Life holds so many facets, this Earth is only one. Just think of him as resting from the sorrow and the tears, in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days or years. Think how he must be wishing that we could know today how nothing but our sadness can really pass away. And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched....for nothing loved is ever lost and he was loved so much.

I'll Remember You

April 10, 2013
I'll remember you in the colors of a sunset, in the comfort of my dreams, in the memory of a song. In the pages of as scrapbook filled with pictures of your life, in the joy of thinking back to a time from long ago. In the places we discovered, in the moments that we shared, in the laughter that still dances in my heart. In the legacy of love you left for those who follow, and the stories that were only yours to tell. And always---more than anything, I'll remember you in your love that still lives within my heart!

Missing You Always

March 25, 2013
You never said I'm leaving You never said goodbye You were gone before we knew it And only God knows why. A million times I needed you A million times I cried If love alone could have saved you You never would have died. In life I loved you dearly In death I love you still In my heart I hold a place That only you can fill.
January 29, 2013
As I sit in Heaven and watch you everyday, I try to let you know with signs, that I never went away. I hear you when you're laughing and I watch you as you sleep, I even place my arms around you to calm you as you weep. I see you wish the days away, begging to have me home, so I try to send you signs so you know you're not alone. Don't feel guilty that you have life that was denied to me, Heaven is truly beautiful, just you wait and see. So live your life, laugh again, enjoy yourself, be free, then I know with every breath you take, you'll be taking one for me!

Christmas 2012

December 25, 2012
It is very evident in my heart that you are not with us. Not a day goes my that there aren't tears. They say that will eventually change, but I truly doubt that. Most of us will gather at Heather's today, your girls are coming over as well. They are so well-adjusted. You would be proud of them. The joy of life has been stolen. We still laugh and go thru life as normal as we can, but it isn't the same. I've forgiven you but I haven't forgotten you...Merry Christmas, Son.....I love you!

your 38th b/day

November 4, 2012
As I look back and remember the day you were born, I remember feeling all the joy and happiness most mothers do on that day. I couldn't stop smiling or kissing you and I took a picture of every new face or movement you made. You gave me purpose. As you grew, I saw something special in you that I knew would help you to leave a mark in people's lives. Then came the realization that you had artistic abilities. You enjoyed your sports and always helped others along the way with learning a trick or movement. Kids especially were drawn to you. Then came your love and compassion for animals, but not only healthy animals but those with special needs that would have been tossed aside had it not been for you. You fathered 2 beautiful girls who seemed to be the light of your world and they adored you! Something came into your soul that caused a change you felt you couldn't share. You must have struggled with your decision but you showed no signs of needing help. You shut us all out at a crucial time when we would have moved heaven and earth to help and to keep you here with us. So now we are left with "why", deep sadness and heavy heartache and to find ways to remember you and keep you in our hearts. I hope Heaven allows you to see our never-ending love for you. Happy Birthday, Son!

A Letter From Heaven

October 23, 2012
When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not here to see. If the sun should rise and find your eyes Filled with tears for me. I wish so much you wouldn't cry The way you did today. While thinking of the many things We didn't get to say. I know how much you love me As much as I love you. And each time you think of me I know you'll miss me too. When tomorrow starts without me Don't think we're far apart For everytime you think of me I'm right there in your heart!
July 28, 2012
I am one of many small branches of a broken tree, always looking to the ones above for guidance, strength and security. One little branch trying to keep others from breaking away. Who will fall? And who will stay? Now I stand alone looking at Earth through the rain and I see the broken branches I knew scattered about me in pain. There are those who have taken an axe to the root of our very foundation and who have passed this destruction down to the new generation. If I could take that axe, I would toss it deep into the sea, never to return again to harm the generations that follow me. I am one of many, but alone I will go and plant the new seeds where a beautiful tree will grow!


April 18, 2012
Yesterday marked 2 years since Scott passed and it seems so long ago and still so fresh. We haven't really come too far in our grieving process but that's ok...we just need more time. The hurt and his absence from our lives are 2 factors that are hard to overcome. We made a memory box that we will add to each year with stories, pictures and mementos. We then all met at the church where Scott's memorial was held and wrote messages of love on balloons and released them. We then went to a local restaurant and had dinner together. It was truly nice to be together as one but we still felt Scott's absence. I got to see how even the young ones were still hurting from this. We will forever remember that day and the loss of one who was loved so much!
January 6, 2012
When Scott was in 1st grade, he walked to school and there was a lady crossingguard who dressed up for holidays. That Easter she was dressed as a bunny and the local paper took a picture of her helping the students cross the street safely and Scott just happened to be one of them. That photo somehow was sent around the world and his teacher sent me copies of that photo from other countries as well. It was a nice gesture and a sweet surprise.

Untitled poem

November 4, 2011
Hello? Hello? Are you out there? Anyone, are you out there? I can't see your face, but you left a trace on a data back road I almost erased. Not even God takes this long to get back, so get back. 'Cause I hit a fork in the road, lost my way home, cut off from the line like a disconnected modem. Hello? I tapped in the code to reach you below. No one should have to brave the Underworld alone. Hello? Hello? How do I reach you? Hello? (This poem was found on Scott's computer)

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