December 20, 2022
December 20, 2022
To the Family I miss every day --
Michael is here. Chris and he are talking. Doing things together. I think of you us and how we used to sit together, talk, make plans for the day or for tomorrow, and of course, fight too. But it was all good. We were together, comfortable with each other, and everything was alright. Long ago when we lived together, I guess at the time that was just a normal day or normal week or normal whatever. But now whenever I think of that time whether it is Meerut or here, it all feels so cozy. A warmth, a closeness, a feeling that all is right in the World.
Never again will I have that feeling. You, none of you whom I loved and who loved me more than life, are here anymore. I tell myself that I will see you again. Will I? Just because I would like to believe it, will that make it true? Are the little incidents that seem like a sign that you are somewhere waiting for me, are they real? Or just something that I need to be true? I don't know. I hope I will see you again someday.
I sit in the window, reading "Aapka Bunti", thinking of the time when Ammaji and I used to read it together when it published in Dharmyug. Was it so long ago? Or just yesterday? How comfortable you would have been here! I started to cry but then I remembered that it would make you sad to see tears in my eyes. So, I thought I write you this letter while I am feeling whatever I am feeling.
I think I will send this letter to all of you as it is what I would say to all of you.
I miss the voices that called me "Gudia". I miss talking in Hindi. But more than anything I miss the comfortable and warm feeling of what only people who brought me up could bring.
May my voice and love reach all of you.
With all my love
Your Gudia