I love you so much Billy.

This holiday I miss you more than ever. You always loved my turkey, potatoes and gravy with all the fixings. My favorite time with my children. 
It still seems so unreal that you are gone. The realization of no return texts or calls is surreal. It feels like a bad dream I cannot wake up from. I love you with all my heart Billy and I will never have a day or moment I don't think about you. The ill fated life you were dealt and bad decisions you made affected me deeply. You had the biggest heart of all my kids. You always thought of me no matter what. This holiday and for the rest of my life will never be the same. MY firstborn and my true love you will always be. I will always love you until my last breath and beyond

You are always on my mind

Wish you were here

I miss you so much

Always on my mind, your always missed each second of every day.
How do I do this without you Billy.
I hope you are in a much better place because I am lost without you. 
I love you so much my beautiful boy

I am going to miss your call today wishing me a happy birthday

Billy Boy, wish I could hear your voice again, have you blast into the house and demand tacos for dinner. Just to have you come out of your bedroom and be the beautiful grumpy kid that you could be. That would give me joy. I would give my life to have one more day with you, just to talk like we should have always , not like it used to be when we would argue because we were so much alike, hot heads, take no names and just go for the jugular.
I miss you more every day Billy. The songs I have here on this website are totally you. Our relationship together in this lifetime I will treasure until my last breath my beautiful son.

Billy Boy I miss you so so much. My heart aches without you.
Where ever your next life journey brings you, I hope you are happy and with family surrounding you

Tomorrow you will be missed so much Billy. You were to be the best man for your brother Tristan at his wedding. You would be here with me probably driving me crazy but I would give anything for that again. I missed you my boy so so much.

I miss you so much. My heart aches to hear your voice. 

I miss you so much. More everyday. I bought a cover for your car and it came to me that when I cover this car,
I am hiding what you loved which was your freedom to drive, and covering part of you and it became so real for me.
 You hung with wrong drinking crowd, until you left that behind you eventually gained your license back. Sometimes you have to break ties with people that hold you back and unfortunately the one person you grew up with turned out to be the biggest piece of shit in this world. 
We are left with such feeling anger and despair knowing you died alone and with no one to help you. I am plagued with nightmares of you calling for me to help you. What do I do with this Billy.
We will never have closure therefore this will always be an open wound.
We will never have the answers.  You always got so mad because I always had to know you were safe. You had such a big beautiful heart. 
I pray you are with grandma Ros, and Sarra and Grandma and Grandpa Umstadter, they loved you so much. I know you no longer struggle with your demons. I pray you are in a better place. I love you with all my heart and soul.

I love you so much, your passing has left me in such a bad place Billy how am I supposed to live without you. 
Everyday that goes by that I don't hear from you, every minute knowing I will never see you again just leaves such an empty feeling in my heart. I would have given my life for yours.
We are lost souls Billy. Give us some peace please.
I love you Billy Boy

I miss you so much Billy. Happy Father's Day in Heaven.
I am filled with regret. Wishing things could have been better for you.
I love you so much, until we meet again my sweet son

Every day is harder to live without you.
I am trying to be strong for Tristan and Amanda. I pray you are with me pushing me to be strong. I am lost without you.
The song Blurry reminds me of our relationship and the arguments we used to have when I knew you were not on the right path. I wish I did more, I wish I pushed a little harder to help you. I did what I did because I loved you so much and wanted only the best for you., I wanted you to be better for Allison and mostly for yourself
It is me who is stuck. It is me who hurts because you are gone. 
How am I supposed to live without you Billy.
My only prayer is that Sarra was with you when you were set free and brought you to Heaven to watch over you.

I miss you so much Billy. I love you dearly. 

My son,
It doesn't seem possible that I will never see you again. The days grow shorter and the nights are longer thinking about you. I am not sure what was going on in your mind during the last few days you were here on this earth. but I will blame myself every day for
not picking up on it or calling you even just to hear you yell at me for caring.
I ask God why you and not me?  It feels like purgatory for me for the rest of my life suffering the loss of you. I pray there is a Heaven. I pray we see each other again. 

I miss you so much every moment of every day bill.You are not only my brother but truly my best friend.My heart and soul are torn without you here,and i feel like a part of my soul left with you.I miss our daily texts and conversations,we could talk about anything.Right now life seems impossible without you but i know you want me to be stronger than ever before so that i can look out for mom,amanda and allison...and i will! I will live for you each day and carry on the memories that we have.You were such a great man and one of the hardest workers i know.God needed a warrior in heaven and had a much bigger plan for you so i know we will be together again.I just wish it wasn't your time yet.You are with dad,grandma,sarra and all our loved ones we have lost.You are with me every single day giving me the strength i need to take on this world.Until we meet again i love you dearly bill!!

How am I to live without you Billy. I miss you more each day. I will always love you and keep your memory alive  This doesn't seem possible that I will never see my beautiful blue eyed son ever again.

Missing you my son so much on Mother's Day.
This day will never be the same for me.

I miss you more each day.

I'm So very sorry for your los my condolences and deepest sympathies are with you Abbey and your family.