March 8
March 8
Hi Bill -
I had very difficult time yesterday with the anniversary of your passing. I became very depressed and felt unable to function with my work. You know how much I miss you, how important you are to me and how wonderful it is when you visit me in my dreams... I guess I thought after this much time had passed that I would be doing better. Some days I do OK and others not so much.
I went the to Grief Support Group that has been of big help to me last night and we talked about the tidal waves of grief and how they can submerge us, especially on important dates, so maybe that's what it was. I am now realizing that I will never be the same person I was before your leaving this earth, and not doing better as I expected that better to look like. I need to learn to let go of my expectations and to accept the person I am now, doing the best I can to go on without you - even though much of the time it feels like I am just going through the motions of life and not really living.
Many things are very hard without you - you are one of the very few people in the world who loved me as I was, listened to me and supported me unconditionally. It is very difficult to muddle on through life without that any more... and without your hugs of support. Going on without you by my side is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and facing getting old and living the rest of my life without you is very challenging.
I am sorry to complain, and I do try to remember all the good we had, but my future looks very empty to me without you and it overwhelms me at times.
I love you forever and hold on the hope that you are doing well and that we will be together again eventually.
All my love always ~
Pam
I had very difficult time yesterday with the anniversary of your passing. I became very depressed and felt unable to function with my work. You know how much I miss you, how important you are to me and how wonderful it is when you visit me in my dreams... I guess I thought after this much time had passed that I would be doing better. Some days I do OK and others not so much.
I went the to Grief Support Group that has been of big help to me last night and we talked about the tidal waves of grief and how they can submerge us, especially on important dates, so maybe that's what it was. I am now realizing that I will never be the same person I was before your leaving this earth, and not doing better as I expected that better to look like. I need to learn to let go of my expectations and to accept the person I am now, doing the best I can to go on without you - even though much of the time it feels like I am just going through the motions of life and not really living.
Many things are very hard without you - you are one of the very few people in the world who loved me as I was, listened to me and supported me unconditionally. It is very difficult to muddle on through life without that any more... and without your hugs of support. Going on without you by my side is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and facing getting old and living the rest of my life without you is very challenging.
I am sorry to complain, and I do try to remember all the good we had, but my future looks very empty to me without you and it overwhelms me at times.
I love you forever and hold on the hope that you are doing well and that we will be together again eventually.
All my love always ~
Pam