August 19, 2014
August 19, 2014
I remember when I met you, I was bitter, and cynical. Our parents both worked at NCSA, so we ended up spending a lot of time together after school... I remember in that time was some of the happiest days of my life, when you genuinely made me believe in impossible things, and made me think that I was special to the world, and you showed me what love truly feels like. You were able to make me believe in vampires before I had a belief in any god or spirituality. We drifted a while during highschool, mostly because I was a shut-in and wouldn't talk to many people, and the school I was at definitely permitted that kind of antisocial behavior, but when I got kicked out of that school, I think I found myself again, and soon after you found your way back to me. In our last two years of school you and I spent a lot of time together, and you were meaningfully there for me during my darkest times in a way nobody else was. You again, made me feel wanted, and special, and like maybe the world wasn't ending. After highschool, I remember you once sent me something on Facebook, talking about all of the good times we had together, and how you had actively cut out a lot of people from our past from your life, and how I wasn't one of them, and how you wanted to keep me in your life for a very long time. I wish I would have responded in a more sincere, less characteristic manner, because the truth was, and I hope you understood, that I felt entirely the same way, and that I have always realized what an intimate part of me you have always been, and how much you've helped me survive and mature over the years. There are so many people I thought would be around today that aren't, and so many people I thought would be loyal to me that haven't been at all, and I was so happy when I realized that you still cared about me all of this time, and I really hope that you knew it was mutual. You were one of the few people who never resented me for who I was, or what I believed in, or judged me for being weird, who instead embraced everything about me, and in a lot of ways made me better without trying to change me. I have an irreparable debt to you, and there are so many things I wish I would have said to you, and so many more that I wish I would have said better. I wish you could have met my son, I bet you two would have been good friends, just like we are. I will always miss you, and you will always be in my fondest memories. Thank you for everything you did, I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend to you.