Today...is the 8th year Cain left for his eternal home.  Carolyn called at 10:15 and said Cain had collapsed at work.  I got the call the remembered the report from his last cardiologist...if Cain had a heart attack...he would not awake...but he did...not on the earth we still travel...but he awoke to BEST sights...sounds...smells...and his best friend, Jesus.  Jesus took his hand...and said..."now you are...what I intended you to be...perfect....no heart defects....no Down syndrome...no "small hands"...forever... your Mom and Dad and Cara will miss you...terribly.  Cain...you will be right next to me...when I call them home and they awake in heaven...open their eyes...and see you and Me."

As much as hurt when I go to bball practice without you in the car...I would not want you back to heart defects...Down syndrome...even small hands. 

Love...….Dad

This is the 7th anniversary of the day Cain...was called home.

He is missed!!!!

Love, Dad

Who could not BUT....miss a guy who could be so "silly" and make you laugh...so that you hurt...with joyous laughter.

Dear Cain....

I miss you! 

It has been 6 years since God called and the Good Shepherd came to guide you Home.   A Home far, far better than the home Cara and Carolyn and I created.  A Home with sights...sounds...people...I can dimly imagine.  But a Home God meant for your to live...without the scar of your heart surgery...without the blemish of the extra 21st chromosome...without your "small hands"...without....fear...without questions.  

Until that Great Reunion...when the Good Shepherd guide me Home...I'll cry this day...the day you went Home...and other days because I miss you!

Love....Dad 

Cain...

Carolyn noticed a small, green visitor at your cross....and I had to take a photo.  

My heart still aches when I think of you...and how you made me a better person...how you made me laugh...how you...

Love,

Dad 

Thirty years ago today...my journey with Cain began.

It was an unexpected journey that lead us to many, many beautiful places...and some some sorrowful places.

None more sorrowful than the day God called you home.  A home not of earthly brick and motor...but filled with all happy faces...and your best friend...Jesus.

You still bring us joy...you still bring us laughter...as we remember you.

Until I can see youir face again...I miss you!!

Love,

Dad 

Five years ago yesterday I saw you carry the cross into worship service...I rubbed your hand as you fell asleep.

Five years ago today...I got the call from Carolyn...you had collapsed at work,  Five years ago today...I rubbed your hand and face as you had again fallen asleep...but a sleep I can not awaken you from.

I know you are in the best place you can be.,.away from the home Carolyn and I raised you in.  The home Cara shared with us.

I know you are perfect...and...as I cry writing this....I know it would be selfish to want you back...but...I do.  

I miss you...and will until you greet me at the Gates of Heaven...with your big silly smile...probably holding the hand of your and my best Friend, Jesus!

That day will come...and until then...you are forever missed!

Love Dad 

I've attached a photo of the altar flowers we remembered you with at yesterday's worship service.  There is a small plaque below Cain's cross which reads:  "Do not regret growing old.  Many do not have the privilege." 

Carolyn and I spent August 14, 15 and 16 at the Highland Village Balloon Fest hosting the information tent for Cain's Foundation for Special Education.

As happened last year...we came away with additional stories about Cain.  First the Marcus High School principle, secretary, stopped by and said Cain would just randomly stop by to visit Mr. Rogers.

Then...a young woman, holding a baby stopped by and started crying.  "I knew Cain at Marcus.  If you look at the group picture for the class of 2008, you will see Cain has his arm around me."  But it got better...while crying less, she said...she gave son Jesse the middle name of Cain.

Well that started Carolyn and I getting misty eyed.

Not enough...this woman's mom, owns a balloon and provided a balloon ride certificate for us to raffle off for Cain's Foundation.

Cain...Cain...Cain...you are not forgotten.

Dad 

Yes...Carolyn and I are sad today.
 
Cain would have been 29 today.  

Now he resides in place where birthdays are not celebrated...where time does not exist...where Down syndrome does not exist...heart defects do not exist...where grief does not exist...where...he is perfect...and he is with his best friend and our best friend..."J'sus".  

Carolyn and I are sad today...for what we lost...not for what Cain is today and will be for eternity....whole in mind...body and spirit.

We miss you and love you and will until we are reunited at the gates of heaven.

Love
Dad 

Cain would have loved our new dog, Yugi. 

Yugi for the Yugioh...the cards you collected.

You would have sat on the floor and let Yugi play around...over and through you.

 You would have protected Mocha from the terror play of Yugi
.
You would have laughed...and laughed...and laughed so hard...you would start shaking...your belly shaking...laughing so hard...you would say please..."Pwees...stop." 

Then I wondered, if Yugi could smell you...in your clothes still in your room.

Love, Dad 

Four years ago today...I last saw in the hospital.  How appropriate the Bible refers to death as sleeping.  That is exactly what you looked like...sleeping.   You closed your eyes on earth and opened them in heaven....you opened your eyes with Jessus, your "friend"...standing over you...just liked I was standing over you in the hospital.  How I wish you could have opended your eyes in the hosptial...only for a few seconds...to see your smile...one more time.


I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!


Love,


Dad      

I miss you so much.  The first anniversary of your death it all hit me on the day of the anniversary but since then the whole month or so leading up to the day is worse.  There's just a looming feeling that something is coming and you know what it is but yet you still feel uneasy about it.  I love you so much and my greatest wish would always be for you to be here still.  I wanted more time with you; I needed more time with you.  I wasn't and am still not ready to be without you.  It still feels to me like I'm off at school and I'll return home to you watching wrestling in the living room.  I wish you'd be the third person to great me when I come home.  I miss you! It scares me that I may be forgetting some of the things we did together.  I try to remember what I can but I know I'm missing things.  

Cara, Carolyn and I spent about an hour giving gifts to the workers and staff at Metrocrest.  Everyone is soooo appreciative.  I've attached a photo of some of the happy workers.

I thought it would be easier...but it isn't.  Many of the faces I saw the last day I picked Cain up...are still there.  Still his friends!  

When we were leaving the Director of MetroCrest...told Carolyn about Dereck.  Dereck was Cain's best friend...they would share Cain's headphones as they watched on Cain's DVD player...they would share lunches...Cain wanted to go to Dereck's "howse"...or go to a movie...Cain died before we could make that happen...BUT...the rest of the story...the Director said...there was something special about Dereck and Cain...and true friendship...a friendship...Dereck had had with noone at Metrocrest.

Dereck misses Cain.

I miss Cain!!!!

Love, 
Dad

 

Still missing Cain...some times the pain is as heavy as it was on March 7, 2011.

Love,

Dad 

Here is the picture of Cain, stretching before a Bocce game...you can't really see his face...but he is laughing as he is stretching...while pulling my neck out ouf joint. 

Carolyn and I spent Friday evening and most of Saturday (until the the rains came) at the Highland Village Balloon Festival.  

We manned the Cain Sczepanski Foundation tent.  

Many folks stopped by and were very appreciative of Cain's Foundation...especially those families with special needs children.

Several friends of Cain stopped by and chatted.

There was Briar Hill MS teacher that had Cain 20 years ago.

There was a Marcus HS graduate that knew of Cain.

There there was the father of Elaine.  He walked by the tent several times before he stopped.  Elaine died in 1999, when Elaine and Cain were in Briar Hill MS.  He said he had some photos of Elaine and Cain.  He relayed video.of Elaine and Cain at the Texas State Fair.  Cain was not in the frame...but Cain comes into view..and gives Elaine a kiss.  By this time Carolyn and I are teary eyed...as was Elain's father.

What the little $$ these event generate to Cain's Foundation...is miniscule to the happiness new stories we hear about Cain bring to Carolyn and I.

Love,

Dad 

Dear Cain...

Where you are...birthdays do not matter.  Time is meaningless.  But where I am...time still passes without you.  

So as Cara, Mom and I still have to live through your birthday, August 17, without you.

Love....

Dad

 

Just a bit ago completed awarding the 6 Award's of Excellence and a check for $500 to 6 Lewisville ISD Spec Teachers....

It's been a while since I've been here...that does not mean...I've moved on...how do I move on...I miss Cain.

Love,

Dad 

Some pictures...capture Cain better than others.  This one at the beach does.  He's looking back at Mom...ready to lead her into deeper waters...or splash her.


Dad

On March 1, Carolyn and I particpated at the Spec Ed PTA Resource Fair.  We give out information about Cain's Foundation.  One girl..came up...look at the handouts...and said..."He went to Marcus.  And he was cute."

Dad. 

Cain I miss you...now you are resting in peace...a peace I will some day know.

Love.....Dad 

Cain died at Metrocrest Rehab Center...he had many friends...so with the Desk and Derrick club of Dallas we present toiletry gift boxes for the 120 workers and 10 staff members.  The age range of workers in 19 to 76.  They are soooooo appriciative of the gifts. Many live in adult group homes...were the Christmas tree may be sparse of gifts.  Workers...say " I miss Cain"..."I'll pray for you".

I miss Cain too!!!


Love,


Dad  

Krista knew Cain from MetroCrest...she always finds us at Special Olympic events...this is taken at Cain's Christmas at Metrocrst...


Dad

Another basketabll season starts...I miss Cain...if no one else...remembers...cares...I miss him...

Love,

Dad

Cain..the leaves are falling...and you're not here!  You loved to watch me...rake the leaves into a pile...and then you would throw a ball into the pile and tell "Moate" and "Nic" to find the ball....and they would....tearing through the leaves...until the ball was found...and the pile was scattered...and you were laughing....

Love,

Dad

I wish I could be sitting next to Cain....

Love....

Dad

On October 10 and 11...Carolyn and I went to Special Olympics State bocce tournament.  During a moment between games...Carter, a friend of Cain...asked Carolyn...."Do you miss Cain?"  Carolyn said "Yes, every day."  Carter said..."So do I."

So do I!

Dad

Carolyn came home from getting her nails done (10/8/13).  I saw her in the kitchen and I could tell something was wrong.  I asked what was wrong.  She said..."I'm sad."  She explained....2 adult disbled women came into the nail salon.  That was enough...to be sad...again...for missing Cain.  Carolyn left the salon sad...but Christmas came early for the 2 women...Carolyn paid for their services...

Carolyn and I are living to see you again, Cain!

Dad

I used to be cain's girlfriend in middle school. we used to look at his Yu Gi o cards and watching westling DVDs together. One time when bill and cain took me home after a basketball practice. We stopped at their house watching westling on tv. When cain came in with 2 cans of root beer one regular root beer for him and diet root beer for me. i still miss him!!!! I love you cain!!!!!!!!!!   

Here is one of my favorite Cain and Cara photos.

One spring break...Carolyn was "busy"...so Cain and Cara and I wend to Sea World in San Antonio.

Note...sly grin on Cain's face...he did't want to be in the photo..and so he side glanced the pose....

Love

Dad

There are many pictures of Cain giving the "peace" sign with his fingers.

The peace he has now....he never knew before he died.

Miss him!

Dad

Yesterday...coming home from church...Carolyn squeezed my hand.  I know what it meant.  She was thinking about Cain.  I was too...so the squeeze..was the silent but physical  indication Cain was there...in church...on our minds...in our tears...

Love

Dad

Here knew when he won and there was a camera....

Cain...I miss you...

Dad

Cain...got it right we are saved to serve...Cain received this Note .....

"Dear Cain
When we see your willingness to serve our Lord by filling in almost every Sunday, it makes us very pleased.  We know that God is smiling down on you and perhaps thinking "Cain is truly a fine servant.  I have a special place awaiting him in my kingdom.  Lamb of God".

I miss Cain...and know Jesus welcomed home his servant.

Dad

Whenever I'm a little sad...I watch Cain...in a can.

Love....

Dad

Last Saturday (8/31/13) we had a garage sale for Cain's Foundation...Carolyn had painfully started to separate Cain's clothes...she got to his shoes...there were about 10 pairs...most were not worn...he had favorites...his boots...and his basketball shoes.

We had gotten everything outside for the garage sale...and I said..."What about Cain's shoes?".  I heard the "Okay" from Carolyn.  I asked if there was any other clothes...she said "No."  She wasn't ready.

So we sold his shoes...except for his favorites. 

The pain of missing Cain...never goes away...it only rests....until some thing, like clothes...some moment, like holding the torn shirt he wore the day he died...awakes the pain of missing him.

Love

Dad

Went to birthday party for a Special Olympic friend of Cain.  I do not like these events...still hurts to think of the fun Cain would be having...but the host indicated that Miss Fontana heard that we we going to be there...and she was Cain's 8th grade art teacher and wanted to meet us.  We had to fight to get Cain into the normal art class..so...we took some picture of some of Cain's art hoping Miss Fontana could recognize and date them.  She started describing one project...water colors...torn paper...tiger like shape...so we showed her the art (attached hereto) and she glowed...that was the picture she used everytime she made a presentation advocating that special needs kids could do art!

She also told some stories...we have never heard (of course).  Once...not knowing what the jesture meant (only knowing it got a reaction) he flipped off the Principal of Briar Hill Middle School.  So there was the Principal of Briarhill Middle School chasing Cain down the halls...until some teachers that knew Cain...told Mr. Buck...Cain did not mean what it means for most other people...then he laughed...and so did Cain...

I hoped to record some stories...but...these are the stories...we would never know...she missed his silliness...sticking paper into her overalls...she confirmed what those who "really" knew Cain...he was funny...not accidential funny...but willful...he had sense of humor...

Oh....how I miss him...when I need some humor...

Love....Dad

Cain would have been 27 on Saturday, 8/17...our birthday celebration consists now of placing altar flowers...Carolyn and I had a good cry on Saturday morning...she started to go through his DVDs...the DVD he was watching the day he died was "Jason and the Argonauts"....we remembered how happy we were the day Cain was born...and then..how are heats broke when he started to have trouble breathing...the longer he was out of Carolyn the sicker he became...then we got the "Welcome to Holland" message...Cain appeared to have some of the features of Down syndrome...the doctor that delivered Cain had delivered he Down syndrome baby...and he did not think Cain had Down syndrome...but a night nurse saw the dimple on his ear and extra folds on skin on his hand...and a chromosome test which normally takes weeks was completed withint 24 hours...he continued to become sicker...he had Hirschsprungs disease (the end of his colon was permanently closed)...so he had colostomy...then his heart grew weaker...we wanted him baptized...the priest had to reach into the NICU cradle to baptize Cain...on March 17, 2011 his journey from his baptism was completed...I miss him!

Love,

Dad

Cara...just had her 25th birthday.  Carolyn indicated she was sad...she has now lived longer than Cain.

Dad

Here is Cain recovering from a heart examination in 2010.  It was as close to Cain being drunk...as possible.  He kept wanting to get up..and saying more goofy things than normal.

The results were not good.  His heart could not be surgically repaired.  I wish we had heard the results differently...or...the doctor had been more direct in indicating Cain's heart was failing him...he was slowing dyng....and we should limit his Spec Oly activities...but...all we heard was...if he has a heart attack it will be fatal.  And it was on March 7, 2011.

I miss him...and should have been a better father.

Love

Dad 

PS...his last hospital visit was the day he died.

I miss not laughing when Cain did something funny...and he did a lot of funny things.

Love

Dad

Cain was invited to learn how to golf by Steve F.  Steve would get so frustrated with Cain...and the lack of development...Cain would smile or knock Steve's hat off...or...just goof off...here is Cain in the middle of the awards lunch...after playing the final round of golf.  Notice Cain's cool, sun glasses...whihch Cain wore behind his glasses.

Another Father's Day...without Cain...I so miss not coming out our front door and not seeing Cain is in medition spot....on the electric transformer...not sure if he got a "buzz" from the transformer...but...if he saw you he would start to really meditate...probably on girls....and if you waited long enough...he would break his trance...open an eye, to see if you were still there...and laugh...or shrug his shoulders and say "Waaaat?"

Love

Dad

I was awoken last night by a dream...some one had told me I was going to live 50 more years...I was frightened by that thought...50 years...I know its selfish...but I miss seeing Cain...50 years to see him again...would be...too long...but I'm not the decision maker...when I can see Cain...I know God has plans...I happily tell Griefshare participants...like Cain, their loved ones do not have the travails of earthly living...living with pain of the body and spirit...seemingly in control...obvious to the second when life on earth stops and eternity begins...I tell them the truth...but the truth brings only a balm for the pain of missing Cain...

Dad....

I miss Cain...Carolyn's heart was aching yesterday on Mother's Day. 

We need to start cleaning his room of clothes...and toys...and ...but cannot. 

Last week Carolyn's brother in law died of cancer...Christine, Carolyn's sister, held Tom has he died.  I'm sure that Cain was there at the Gates of Heaven...to see Tom as he was welcomed!

I wait for the day God calls me home and Cain is at the Gates of Heaven...like Paul God still has use for me before my race is over...but...I miss Cain and would rather see Cain...and know I'm home...

Dad

Enough said...today...tomorrw...and tomorrow and tomorrow...and tomorrow...and tomorrow...and...

Dad