Towards the end last summer Kim said to her husband Mike, "We had a good run, didn't we? I'm glad we lived the way we lived when we were still young enough to enjoy it." 
She looked at Mike and said, "I have no regrets, but one..."
Mike braced himself, then replied, "Yes, we had a good life, but what was your one regret?" 
She said, "I don't want my grandchildren to forget me, they're so young. I wanted more time in their lives." 

Mike's promise was to help them remember. Please take the time to share your stories, videos, photos, audio here with family and friends so we all have a place to come back to and remember Kim.  

Order Kim's memorial book here.
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As friends and family upload stories, videos and photos we plan to put together more memory books of Kim.

Please enjoy this short memorial video of Kim's photos and a couple of videos of her life coupled with one of her personal favorite songs.

In Memory of Kim Stickler December 14, 1954- January 13, 2021 , memorial service March 13, 2021. Thank you to all friends and family who reached out, supported and attended. Kimberly Anne Stickler will forever be missed.

For many of us 2020 has been a very hard year, but for my wife Kim, it has been overwhelming. In March one day after our Anniversary, and at the height of Covid 2020, I found Kim sitting at her computer staring at the screen saver. She had been there about an hour. I tried to talk to her but all she could give me was one-word answers. She did not know her name or where she was. Living in a rural area, I walked her to the car and rushed her to the nearest hospital. The next day she was fine, oriented, and ready to come home. They treated her for a stroke and after a couple of days sent her home with a referral. The referral was for six weeks later because the Neurology Department was closed due to the pandemic. Two weeks later she has another episode similar to the previous, and we found ourselves back in the emergency room but this time the Neurology Department (I wasn’t allowed to visit the hospital) diagnosed Kim with two large and growing masses in her frontal cortex and told her she needed immediate surgery. Three Days later Kim had her first craniotomy. The neurosurgeon originally dingoes that was lymphoma and felt it best to leave the second mass in and to treat it with standard radiation and chemo. About a week after Kim being home her face swelled up like a baseball from an infection. We went back to the hospital emergency room. At the same time, the pathology from the surgery came back and Stanford reported it as glioma multiform, a terminal diagnosis. Again, another craniotomy was performed to remove the second tumor which was still growing and they planned to send her to a nursing home in the middle of the pandemic for six weeks of treatment for the infection from the first surgery. Ultimately after much deliberation with the doctors, we came up with another plan and she came home to heal.

Eventually, Kim got through the infection, radiation, and chemo treatments of fighting this devastating disease. On July 31st, her standard MRI showed that cancer had returned in a third location. The surgeon was ready to perform yet another craniotomy. This time our Radiation Oncologist recommended that we seek a specialist, which we did. Ultimately, we landed at UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento, California under the care of Dr. Orin Bloch. He and the Tumor Board (a multidiscipline panel) at the hospital determined the third mass was not cancer but nears from the earlier radiation. He was recommending NO SURGERY. We were thrilled!

Two days later, Kim had a seizure and I found her on the floor of our bedroom. She was rushed to our original hospital where they could not seem to get ahead of the seizures from Sunday to Thursday. During that time, she was placed into a coma to minimize damage to her brain. After raising my concerns with the hospital they agreed to medic Kim to UC Davis and into the care of Dr. Bloch. When she arrived in California, he was surprised to find her in such bad condition and not reacting to any seizure treatments. After some time on an EEG, they agreed that the new mass was causing these seizures and we agreed that another craniotomy was required, her third. On that Friday, Kim had another six-hour surgery. She has been in the ICU through the weekend and has made some significant recovery. At the time of this writing, she is awake, oriented, and getting stronger by the hour. The seizures have stopped, and the immediate danger is over. She is paralyzed on the left side; her arm and leg doesn't move so she has a long way to go to full recovery. Dr. Bloch still believes this was a neurotic mass and not cancer. The UC Davis Tumor Board will review her case again this Friday. Hopefully, her pathology will be back by then as well, so we will know fur sure.

If this is not cancer she will have many more months/years ahead.

For now, Kim will spend a few more days at UC Davis then, they will transfer her back to Nevada to a rehab center near our home to work on the paralysis. They do believe that her recovery will be a long road.

At this point, our bills are approaching $800k. We do have good health insurance and much of this will be paid by them, but there are many unforeseen and uncovered expenses now and in our future. We have this GoFundMe page to keep her in the medical care she needs, cover travel expenses, co-payments, chemo, and home healthcare.

If you can support us with any amount, we would be very grateful. Please click here for more information and thank you in advance for your help and sharing this page.

This last Friday Kim will have been at the rehab in Reno for two full weeks. How quickly time passes for most of us!
But for Kim, this healing and rehabilitation time is painfully slow and difficult. She has a real struggle coming to grips with time span and memory issues. For instance, she doesn't remember much about her 6 weeks in the Hospital in Reno and UC Davis. All she really wants is to come home. She gets tired easily and has struggled with emotional regulation. Her tiredness stems from the level of activity she is required to do for rehab therapy and her emotional struggles are from the surgical operations invading her frontal lobe. With each conversation, I need to continually remind her that she's not ready yet to come home and that she needs to focus on taking full advantage of this opportunity, but an hour later, she becomes frustrated again. 
Nevertheless, in only two weeks time, I am amazed how far along she has progressed. In therapy, not only is she standing, but now she is walking in a walker! Yesterday they started her on stairs and earlier this week they moved her up a level in her diet. She was thrilled to eat eggs and pancakes for the first time in seven weeks! Her speech is almost back to normal now and her left hand and arm is at about 50%. It's just amazing. 
I figure if we keep her there for a couple more weeks, she'll be able to enter the Olympics! (Just kidding). Her muscle tone is returning in her extremities and she looks better and better each day. They have her painting to on fine motor skills and Karaoke (you read that right) to work on speech. I told her it sounds like a stinking resort in the Hamptons... she didn't think that was funny! She is becoming so self-confident now, she has crawled out of bed four times unassisted, only to end up in a heap on the floor. She promised me not to try that again. Then she did it again the next day (the fourth time). We will see if she remembers her promise to me going forward. 
She has been receiving greeting cards and letters this week form all of you. Thank you so much! She told me she reads every one...and they made her cry. She only "told me" about reading them because on Wednesday this week the Governor closed all rehabs to outside visitors due to COVID, so while I am not allowed to visit Kim, we now talk on facetime often throughout the day. Meanwhile, please don't let her crying dissuade you from sending greeting cards, because these days she cries at the ice in her tea. It's really not your writing. So please keep the mail coming in. It is a blessing and encouragement to her. 
Our oldest son, Micha was able to come down for a few days to visit with her just before the COVID closure. It was perfect timing and they were able to spend time together. He told me that "Other than the crying, she is pretty normal, even with her sarcastic wit and all." That should encourage you all about how far she has come in just a short amount of time. 
My spirits are up, seeing a light at the end of a very dark tunnel and being VERY sure it's not another train. I hate being home alone, but I have used the aloneness to winterize the property and prepare for the snow. Jus as I got the job done, I woke up to a foot of snow. I am keeping busy. And, for my sister Sue - yes, I am getting plenty of exercise, rest and eating right. I really am. 
I am trying to get back to work and unbury myself from all the medical bills coming in. As expected the surprises are beginning to come in too. The medical transport bill (mentioned earlier) came in the mail today. They had quoted me $2,800 for the ride up here from Sacramento, which I approved knowing it was not covered by her insurance. They didn't say anything about the $71/mile each direction brining the invoice to almost $14k! 
Thank you all for all your love and support. Your prayers are also coveted deeply. If you can help financially, we really would appreciate your support in any amount. As I have said, our insurance is covering most of the medical expenses. There just continues to be "surprises" that are not covered.

#GodsGotThis

Happy Birthday girl

Last week Micah and Sean came to say their goodbyes to their mom. It was a beautiful few days together as we laughed and told stories. Kim sat on the couch and listened, sort of. Both our them spent some time alone with their mom just loving on her, hours full of emotion and sadness as they expressed their love for her.

Saturday morning as Micah walked into the den, he greeted his mom with a “GOOD MORNING!” and Kim acknowledged the greeting, by grunting out an unintelligible “HI” back. That is the first and last words I have heard speak in days. After both boys were gone, she was inconsolable, so I just held her and sang until she fell asleep in my arms. She really hasn’t woken up since…

Today is Kim’s birthday, and she slept through the day. Our friend Dede came over and we decorated her bed with flowers and balloons. It’s hard to know if Kim noticed. The grandkids and our daughter in-law made a video of them all singing Happy Birthday to her. Kim’s best friend, Wendy and Cousin Debby called to wish her a Happy Birthday. She’s just not “there” enough to acknowledge, anyone.

I am asked over and over again ‘How are you doing?’ I am doing fine until someone asks: ‘How are you doing?’ Then I breakdown in tears and respond:

“I am sad. Sometimes tired, mostly sad.”

During Kim’s recovery at UC Davis Medical Center, we had two goals. Everyone knew what those were. The nurses from every shift, all the therapists and even the myriad of CNA’s would use our two goals when encouraging Kim to push for recovery.
The goals were:
1. Get her home to her own bed and surroundings.
2. Be with our sons and grandchildren for Christmas.
As you know, she was recovered and home for Thanksgiving and getting stronger. But the second goal became more problematic as the cancer started taking her life from her. Getting her to our planned Christmas in Las Vegas, to also celebrate Sean’s, our youngest son’s, new home, just became too difficult to arrange, because Kim comes with too many accoutrements, i.e., beds, medicines, nursing care and much more. By the Tuesday before Christmas, it became clear that the logistics just weren’t going to work. Truth be told, I had prepared myself for a quiet Christmas alone with Kim.
But our boys made an ‘audible’, “If mom can’t join us, we’ll join her.” In 24 hours, plane tickets and car rentals were changed. Sean, needed to rent a car to bring all of the Christmas gifts that had been shipped to Las Vegas up to Washoe Valley.
Concerns were discussed, like how will the grandchildren handle seeing their Nanna in such a diminished state? Do we want this to be their last memory of her? -- seeing her in bed like this? Will all the noise and clatter of three little ones in the house allow Kim to rest? Or make her upset? And, what if she gets worse… even passes while they are all there?
Setting concerns and obstacles aside and with encouragement of her nurse, Christmas was set into motion. Micah, our oldest son and his family, arrived on Wednesday. Across the front yard came a troupe of little ones, all wrapped up in jackets and weighted down with their little backpacks. Bursting through the door came hugs and announcements “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” from their little voices while plopping all of their toys, shoes and belongings on the floor in the foyer. Each trotted into the den to see Nanna on the couch stretched out sleeping in her favorite PJ’s. “Hi Nanna, Merry Christmas” – in their now hushed voices. And so, it began…
Five days of proud parent (and grandparent) bliss. Laughing and crying, food and wrestling with the Kids. My daughter in-law, Molly and granddaughter Emma had a manicure session with Kim, decorating each of their fingernails in snowman glory.
Sean arrived Christmas Eve with an rented SUV filled with Christmas Gifts, which was a great relief to the children. They were happy to see their Uncle too . Micah BBQ’d Tri-Tip for dinner (a Stickler favorite) and we sat around the table with Kim laying in the bed next to us. It was a bit boisterous at times, even loud and with unruly manners. As we laughed and told family stories, the kids bickered as they do, all the while negotiating with their parents how many vegies must they actually eat in order to get dessert.
It was FAMILY… Just how Kim likes it. Kim endured the entire time with great resilience. She slept and rested peacefully with all the familiar voices and laughter in the house. And she was in the middle of it all, in the den, her favorite room in our house. The one she designed, so we could see the mountains, the animals and the birds that she loved so much. A place to create memories together, watch television, and break bread together. This is her “spot.”
Christmas morning came early as the children got their parents and up to our house expecting a room full of gifts. They explored everything under the tree and made mental notes of how many gifts there were for each. After a hesitant romp on their uncle Sean’s bed to wake him up, we all came together for a morning of laughter and gift exchange. I had gotten Kim up early and in her wheelchair for the festivities. She only stayed through the stockings, as it was too much stimulation before returning to bed.
The weekend continued in a similar fashion, gingerbread houses decorated, toys played with, wrestling, Christmas movies and our semi-yearly organizing of family photos. I must admit, this last activity was emotionally the hardest for me, with each photo bringing a memory of our lives together, and all but a few chronicled by Kim herself. It was just too emotionally overwhelming for me. Thankfully Micah and Molly finished the task for this year.
Sean being the ‘Foodie’ of us all, prepared a belated (due to the change in plans) Family Christmas Dinner of prime rib with all the fixings on Saturday. We sat for the last time together, with Kim right there with us and enjoyed ourselves in a uniquely Stickler family fashion. I dared to lead us in prayer, the first time without delegating it the entire weekend. I was only able to grunt out a few words of thankfulness before breaking down in tears. This seems to be the condition of my heart these days. I am broken and thankful, sad, tired and joyful. I am proud of our life together and what it has produced.
My heart condition reminds me of the Christmas present I gave Kim this year. I refinished her grandmother’s breakfast bench, not realizing that she would never see it. It became a metaphor to me of our 40 years of living together.
A meaningful life together is like fine furniture. It is something that lasts. If you make it out of real wood that is strong, beautiful and holds up under time and pressure. From time to time, you can refinish it and bring her beauty back for generations to enjoy. Or, you can make life out of veneer that has the look of fine furniture but inside it’s cheap fiberboard that will not stand-up over time and under pressure. It will never be refinished, but only tossed away when it’s of no more use. I am so thankful Kim and I put the time in together. We let the pressures of hard times make us stronger and yes, from time to time, we needed a little refinishing. But we made it as strong and as durable as we could, by God’s grace.