Kumaran Radhakrishnan's life story, (1994 - 2020)

☆ Officially a Doctor ☆

July 24, 2021

24th July 2021

Soon after your funeral, your graduation certificate arrived in the mail. We were still in lockdown and it broke my heart to not be able to share this incredibly proud moment with any of the people who have been watching you grow and eagerly waiting for you to achieve this incredible milestone. The first thing that came to mind was how you stood by my side at Amma's memorial a year earlier and vowed to see her dream through - and you kept your promise..yet neither of you were here to celebrate. Amma had even bought a gorgeous saree to wear to your graduation ceremony. She had no doubt you'd make it through and she would've been so so proud of you - we all are. After having to hold your funeral in the midst of lockdown last year, I was hoping to share the news about your graduation today on the anniversary of your passing. We'd planned to have a memorial for you in Melbourne - something more casual with family and friends, an open bar, music, tears and lots of laughter as we reminisced over the crazy stories everyone had to share - and yet here we are isolated in lockdown again. I can't even visit the beach where we scattered your ashes so all I can do right now is update your memorial page for you and spend the day here in NICU reading all the heartfelt tributes to your baby niece Nila. I'm beyond shattered that she'll never get to meet her uncle. She's still so fragile but she's been a little warrior so far and we know she has two guardian angels looking over her so she'll have to come home with us eventually.

My mind is still struggling to comprehend that you're really gone. We've spent the majority of this year in and out of hospital and it breaks my heart every time I see a junior doctor around as I know that could've been you. There's even a young doctor here in NICU where Nila is who reminds us so much of you - he has the same kind of unkempt hair that I made you cut before our wedding, wears fun funky scrubs every time he's in, and makes time for parents when they're given distressing news about their baby to try and make their ordeal a little less harder - all of which you would've done..but you also had that infectious smile and showed so much compassion towards everyone you met - you would've made an absolutely incredible doctor. It wasn't until you left us that we realised how many lives you actually touched, how many people you helped when they were going through a tough time - all within such a short period of time too. I'm sorry for all the times I told you off for being so antisocial when you were glued to your phone texting - I now see how stretched you were as you carved time out for so many people and always went above and beyond to support anyone who needed it. It pains me to think of how many more souls you could’ve touched, how many more lives you could've saved or at least helped as a doctor - its a lot easier said than done but I'm still trying to find solace in assuming you're resting in peace with Amma. I just wish there was a way for me to know for sure but at least I know you're no longer hurting now. I miss you every day and I love you more than you'll ever know. Rest easy Thamby ♡ I'm so incredibly proud of you!

Eulogy - 6th August 2020

July 23, 2021

Let me start by saying thank you to everyone for being here today - both in person and in virtual presence - to commemorate Kumaran, who we fondly called Thamby (meaning little brother in Tamil). As you all know, we were only able to finalise the details for this funeral less than 48 hours ago and yet here you all are.

The overwhelming level of support we’ve received from you all has absolutely blown me away and I’ll forever be grateful to each and every one of you. It’s also a testament to the amazing young man Kumaran was, how many lives he touched at such a young age, and how special he really was to so many of us.

Kumaran was born in 1994, just before I turned 4. At kindy, we had a daily activity called show n' tell where we went around the room and shared a topic of interest. I was so excited at the idea of being a big sister that for over a month leading up the long-awaited day of Thamby’s arrival, I would repeatedly show my class his image from mum’s ultrasound - every single day until the teacher wrote to my parents asking them to give me something else to talk about.

I loved my baby brother before he was even born and he has since held a special place in my heart. As you would’ve seen in the photos, he was THE most adorable baby and when I was pregnant, I was really hoping Aran would be just as cute - thankfully the odds were in my favour and Aran ended up with the same twinkling eyes and that beaming smile that everyone remembers Thamby for.

Growing up, we were really close. We both loved getting out and about so we’d always be out rollerblading, bike riding, picking fruit and making up games in our backyard or just playing basketball till dusk with the kids next door. No matter how engrossed he was in his games though, even at the tender age of 4, he’d always stop to go and have a long chat to our elderly neighbours as soon as they came outside.

He would always be the first to initiate a conversation and with Thamby, it was never just small talk, he’d always make an effort to really connect with people and through his gentle and warm nature, had a way of putting everyone at ease. I have no doubt that everyone who knew him would have experienced that undeniable charm emanating from him.

Although he was 4 years younger than me, he was truly a role model and an inspiration to me as we were growing up. He was just absolutely extraordinary in every way - he was incredibly gifted and excelled in everything he did - whether it be academic, artistic or athletic. From the age of 5, he’d come home with a certificate, medal or trophy every term.

Despite all these constant successes, rewards and recognition though, he always remained humble and mirrored the same altruistic nature our parents possessed which all in all, made him the perfect human being.

He was one of those kids that were naturally smart - I’d have to put in months and months of hard work to get anywhere near as close to the scores he’d get without even trying. So when he did apply himself and commit to achieving a goal, he’d always exceed new heights or break a new record. He brought our family and our wider community so much pride and respect.

When we were in our teens, our parents were pretty strict so we’d always cover up for each other - although he pretty much got away with anything. In saying that though, he had this childlike innocence about him which he maintained until his last day.

He was only 12 when I was diagnosed with cancer and I remember mum always visiting the temple and making all sorts of offerings in hope that I would recover. At a time when he could’ve stayed back to play basketball or hang out with his friends, he would accompany mum to the temple and recite all the prayers she asked him to recite without any complaints or hesitation. We only joined CanTeen around three years later so throughout my entire cancer journey AND a challenging 18 months we spent living in Sydney before relocating back to Melbourne again, it was Thamby that constantly remained by closest confidant - he was my rock and truly the most amazing brother.

His larger than life personality would always shine through and he would always be one of the first to crack a joke or pull a stunt, either intentionally or often by mistake, which would have everyone in stitches. I’ll never forget the time he split his pants on the dance floor and flashed his bright rainbow undies to everyone at our wedding.

More recently Thamby became a proud uncle to my son Aran. I still remember the way he yelled and swore in excitement when I video called him to tell him I was pregnant. Although there were huge gaps between the times they spent together, Aran would instantly go to Thamby and they’d hang out as though they’d always been around each other. I’ve been hurting every day over the past year knowing that Aran is going to grow up without his grandparents from our side around - trying to now accept that he’ll also have to grow up without his mama has been breaking my heart into a million pieces over and over again.

At around this time last year, Thamby and I stood together as a united front at our beloved mum’s funeral. We vowed to look after eachother, see out her dreams and make her proud. Thamby was the only one who could truly relate to the pain, heartache and nightmares we’ve endured over the past year so we’d often be up till late texting and sharing old photos and videos.

Thamby, I’m so sorry I let myself get so stretched over the past months rather than focussing more on helping you heal. I wish I’d been more of a friend to you rather than trying so desperately hard to fill Amma’s shoes since she was taken away from us. Although I’m shattered that I’m fighting the internal part of this battle alone now, that I’ve got nobody to reminisce over our childhood with and laugh over stories of times that only you and I knew about, I am in some ways glad you no longer have to suffer in pain and are resting in a better place with Amma now. I know how much you loved her - “bigger than Godzilla” as you’d say when you were a kid - I’ll try to take solace in knowing that you’re now together in heaven.

Although you’ve left a massive void in my heart and life that can never be filled, although I can’t help but focus on how much potential you had and how many more lives you could’ve touched, helped and saved as a doctor, although I’m going to continue missing mum, dad and now you- every moment of every day, a part of me is relieved that you can now Rest In Peace. I love you guys more than you’ll ever know and more than anyone could ever imagine.

Finally, I wanted to share a poem I found that serves as a reminder to focus on the life of a loved one, rather than the fact that they’re no longer with us - to bring your attention back to the all the times we’ve spent with Kumaran, as that’s what he would’ve wanted us to do...

He is Gone by David Harkins

You can shed tears that he is gone,

Or you can smile because he lived,

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared,

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,

You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,

Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love, and go on ♡

Obituary

July 23, 2021

Obituary: In loving memory of Kumaran Mayuran Radhakrishnan who sadly passed away on 24th July 2020

Kumaran was born on 19 August 1994 in Melbourne, Australia. Growing up in Glen Waverley, Victoria with his older sister Mayuri, Kumaran excelled at sports and in his education. Kumsy, or Moose, as he was better known, was the exemplar of a perfect child. He was studious, intelligent, sporty and well-rounded in all facets of his life.
After briefly attending Glen Waverley Secondary College, Kumaran was accepted into one of the most prestigious selective entry schools in Australia, Melbourne High School. Not only did he outclass his peers academically, he climbed to the highest echelons as a student by becoming the President of the Student Representative Council, an exceptionally esteemed leadership position reserved for only the most elite and finest students. This was a clear testament to the level of respect Kumaran commanded from his peers and teachers.
In addition to these incredible academic feats, he also represented Victoria in state cross-country competitions and blasted the school cross-country record in 2010, which is yet to be beaten. Kumaran was also an active breakdancer and loved to go to the gym. It was fair to say he left an indelible mark at Melbourne High and will be remembered there as one of the most impactful and influential alumni to ever have walked their halls.

Kumaran fittingly graduated high school and commenced a degree in Medicine up in sunny Townsville. He was always passionate about giving back and adding true value to the broader community and followed his heart’s calling in his mission to save lives. Here, Kumaran forged enduring connections with all of the people he met and touched the hearts of almost everyone who was lucky enough to be in his presence. Whether you had known him his whole life, or for just 5 minutes, Kumaran would have treated you like a brother or sister. His larger than life personality and undying positivity flourished as he travelled the world. From Asia to Europe, Kumaran traversed the entire world, touching the lives of countless more people, and accruing unforgettable memories.
Kumaran lived every day to the fullest. Despite any personal struggles, he always managed to transcend the curve balls life threw at him. He was always smiling; he was always up for a laugh. He was always loyal and he always had your back. Kumaran was a one-of-a-kind human being that graced the world with his existence. We are indebted to him for making us better humans. He has gone too soon and will be forever missed. Kumaran was an angel in human form and is now resting peacefully with his beloved mum in heaven.

https://www.funeralguide.net/obituaries/2829

19/08/2020 - What would've been your 26th Birthday

August 20, 2020

Happy Birthday Thamby! I really hope you and Amma were able to watch down on us tonight and see how excited Aran was to blow out the candles on his mama’s donut cake in front of your photo today. He often goes up to your photo to wave good night, show you something new he's got or share his biscuits with you. He's got several Chithappas but only one Mama so we know he's referring to you when he calls out Mama! I see so much of you in him - more so now than ever. I can vividly picture your reactions had you been here - especially after those videocalls we started having more lately. I wish we'd done that more often and so badly wish I had those calls recorded so I could replay them and show Aran how much you adored him!

The week leading up to your birthday has been incredibly tough to say the least. I’ve been seeing you in my dreams each time I sleep long enough to start dreaming but it’s always a younger version of you with Amma and Appa around. I guess its because that’s the chapter in my life that I’m missing the most - when we were all living together and life as we knew it was so easy. Although I can hardly ever remember what's happened once I’m awake, living in those dreams has been the next best thing as I’d do anything to be able to hold and see you guys again and the harsh reality hurts way too much. I loved how we kept the tradition of sending birthday cards the old school way going - never did I imagine that it would be cut short so early! I wish I had an address to have been able to send you another monkey card this year. I have so much to tell you, I just I wish I’d told you earlier when you were still around.

We did that feast thing last Saturday night where we prepared and bought all your favourite food and beverages. Vijiya Mami’s entire kitchen counter was full of all your favourite dishes, the amount of food we’d got and prepared between the 10 of us was absolutely insane! I made a pretty mean lamb kothu and got all your favourite snacks and lollies including the strawberries and cream chuppa chups! Niru even sat there mixing and rolling all this Korean chicken, rice and stuff into little balls the way you guys used to at that Korean place in Stratty. We were all pretty gobsmacked when it was delivered with gloves and all and we heard about how you guys sat there rolling and eating this stuff at a bar like that! Mathan anna got you a special 25 year old whiskey which the boys enjoyed on your behalf too. I get that this feast thing is really a way to help us with the grieving process by giving us an opportunity to reminisce over the times we shared those dishes and drinks with you (which we certainly did) but it was still heartbreaking to know that you weren’t here in person to enjoy it all - you would’ve put away for sure!

We were meant to be surprising you with a new car today but instead, I’ve been preparing to go scatter your ashes tomorrow - at the same place we scattered Amma’s. I still can’t believe we were doing this together only a year ago for Amma and now I’m having to do it all over again for you - it just doesn’t feel right, you really should be here with us living your life. You loved that beach and I know how much you were looking forward to going back this year so we could sit and reminisce over the times we spent together when Amma and Appa were around. I’m sorry it never happened, I’m sorry this bloody virus stopped you from getting away to the places you’d planned on travelling to this year. We’ll try to catch that beautiful sunset again and make sure everything’s perfect for you when we scatter your ashes. Your close mates have been reaching out to ask where your final resting place is so they can visit once all the border restrictions are lifted - I guess it’s not the same as visiting a cemetery but I’m pretty sure they’ll feel that same sense of serenity we felt when we were there together last year. I don’t know how I’m going to go going back this time around with your ashes instead of having you by my side but I’ll try to stay strong for our loved ones who you and Amma have now left behind. I hope you’re resting in peace with her and looking down on us Thamby. I can't tell you how much I miss you guys!
Love you,
Acca

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