The other day I was in a meeting and for an ice breaker we shared our favorite Christmas gift we received as a child.  Of all the toys, gift cards, and books we received, my favorite gift was always socks. My mom always found the best print socks. I was looking at her sock drawer last time I went to Pittsburgh and even in her older age, she kept up with the fun sock tradition. Bees, socks with titles of banned books, to name a couple. But the best socks were the ones she wore to chemo every treatment- a cat sticking up their middle finger saying “fuck cancer”. Only my mom would be able to rock those socks at chemo and not care what anyone thought. Today a coworker brought over a present. In the gift bag were socks. I teared up because I think  she was worried the gift wasn’t enough, but she has no idea how special it was. I will wear those socks knowing that my mom would have loved them too. I miss you this holiday season, mom. Thank you for all the socks 

I met Sandee in the WholeFoods parking lot in 2013!  We exchanged stories and thus a friendship began.  I knew her daughters lived in Massachusetts and Houston!  Ironically we had moved to Pittsburgh from Dallas!!  As time went on our friendship grew “in the parking lot!”  After she shopped she would occasionally head to Starbucks even though she was not a fan.  
She was so excited in 2017 to be traveling to London with her grandchildren and then upon her return having rotator cuff surgery.  Well when I saw her I expected the traditional sling and that was not the case!!  She explained her new diagnosis and that surgery was not in the cards.  And the fight was on!!!!  Sandee fought pancreatic cancer with every ounce of energy she could muster!!
As Thanksgiving approached she was well aware of the odds against her but ordered Thanksgiving Dinner from the store and reservations were made for the entire family to visit Pittsburgh!! 
Sandee was the one person I knew who fought the fight successfully for over 2 1/2 years.  
while I will miss her she taught me so much about fighting cancer and if God forbid I am ever dealt that deck I will fight hard!
Well done good and faithful servant!!!!!!!!!

My Mom has been my biggest supporter in my life.  We had similar senses of humor, sometimes laughing so hard and for such a long time that we would have tears streaming down our faces.   One of my favorite Mom moments was after I had my first open heart surgery when I was 8.  While I was in hospital for two weeks, she finished a quilt that she hand stitched and put it on my bed for my homecoming. I will post a photo of it in the next few days. I was so surprised and beyond happy.  Her creativity was inherited by Kate who is an amazing knitter. I  have so many other things I want to say but I am having a tough time expressing myself.  Thank you to everyone for sharing your memories of my mom.  It means so much.  She was loved by many.

When Howie told the story of meeting Erin in college, going to her house, and Sandee feeding him so he kept coming back, he reminded me of all the wonderful meals that Sandee prepared not only for her family, but also for all the people she and Ken welcomed in their home.

Being Italian, I know and appreciate all the love that is contained in the simple the act of cooking and feeding someone, and this was one of the many ways that Sandee showed her love and care for the people around her.

Sandee knew that one of my favorite breakfast when I lived with them was her famous banana bread. Even after all these years when I smell it coming out of the oven, I am brought right back to the kitchen in Beechwood Boulevard and to her smiling face looking at me walking in and jumping of joy.

For Christmas, many years ago, she surprised me with the perfect present: a package containing a bread mold and her handwritten banana bread recipe in it. I have posted here the pictures of this special memory and I hope that if any of you will bake it one day, you will share with me the memory of Sandee and remember all the ways that she cared and brought joy to all of us.

Buon appetito cara Sandee! Love, Gaia

Sandee had a real zest for life, and her upbeat, cheerful spirit brightened many a day for me and many others. This was exemplified in how Sandee approached the news that she had four pancreatic cancer and how she lived her life after that.Sandee was diagnosed with cancer nearly early July 2017.When her doctor at the cancer center told her she probably had only 2-6 months to live, her first question was "what is the longest that a patient in her condition had lived and Dr. Bahary said 3 years or so. Her reply was then "why not me too?". When the doctors went to schedule her first chemo session, she told them it had to wait until she got back from England on her "girls only" trip with Erin, Kate, Leah, and Jordan, something that she had wanted to do for years.Moreover, she made the decision not to tell anyone about the diagnosis as she didn't want anything to "spoil" the trip.Even on a regiment of chemo every other week, with an occasional week off, she managed to make it to Houston to Ethan's Bar Mitzvah and Leah's graduation from high school, to twice do the 8 hour drive to Virginia Beach to see Kate and family, to accompany me on a trip to York, UK, and last Fall to do a drive to New England to see friends and family.Sandee was an inspiration to all who met her.She boosted the spirits of other patients during her chemo sessions at the cancer center; she would get phone calls from workers at Whole Foods asking how she was doing if they didn't see her in shopping for a week or two.; and the nurse who came to our house every other week to disconnect the pump delivering her treatment, said that he enjoyed their discussions so much that he would change his schedule to make sure he was the nurse coming to the house to do the disconnect. About nine months ago when at the cancer center for treatment, she asked to see the Dr. Bahary, who dropped by all worried, asking "what's wrong".When Sandee asked him if he remembered their initial conversation and the prognosis that she probably had 2-6 months to live, he said he remembered. She then threw up her arms and said "well, I'm still here". You should have seen the beam on his face.She made his day, and she made mine every day for forty years.

Sandee should have known that once you feed an animal, it tends to stick around.Erin lived with her parents in college, and when I’d come over, she would feed me.I think she assumed I’d be one of many guys Erin would bring home, but I really liked Erin and I really liked Sandee’s cooking, so I kept coming back.I think that’s what happened with my brother-in-law Dave as well.So Kate – if you’re listening, and Erin – in her own way, your mom did her part to make sure you both got married!

I could speak for hours about what kind of person Sandee was, but I really don’t need to.If you know Erin or Kate you get a good idea of how kind, how funny and how accepting she was of people.She accepted people on their own terms, for who they were.She was a worrier – especially when it came to her girls.

When Erin was 19 and she and I had been dating for about 6 months, she had her second open heart surgery.Sandee and I stayed together in the waiting room the whole time.I like to think I impressed her with my dedication to her daughter.But more likely she was a little annoyed with me for making balloons out of surgical gloves and trying to get her to bat them around with me.Which, by the way, she did.And although she probably denied it later, she was laughing.

More recently, a few years back, Erin had another health crisis.There was a hard decision that needed to be made, and I called Sandee to let her know what I was planning to do.She thanked me for including her in the decision, and let me know she supported me in whatever decision I made for Erin.I know how much she loved Erin, and how much trust it took for her to leave her care in my hands – and that meant so much.I also want to point out how impressed she was with my brother-in-law Dave for the way he supported Kate and their family.

In the last few months of her life she told me that it made her so happy that both of her girls found good guys to take care of them.This may sound a little self-congratulatory, but her girls were always Sandee’s highest priority, so her trust was an enormous honor.

While I was growing up my mother used to hold up both of my grandmothers as examples of good mother in laws who were supportive when needed, who knew when to give advice, and when to trust their kids to make their own decisions.I am sure I did plenty of things over the years that made Sandee nervous.But she always treated the choices we made, the decisions we made with respect and good nature.For example, Sandee was never religious – but when Erin decided to pursue Judaism more as she and I formed our own family, Sandee was always a smiling and proud presence of all of our lifecycle celebrations.

And when she’d come for a visit, she would joke about “the mother-in-law coming to town.”But I really enjoyed her visits.In addition to enjoying her, spending time with her…. She cooked for me. And I really liked that.

Right now our family: Erin and our kids, Ken, Kate, Dave and their children, and all of Sandee’s “adopted” kids around the world – are in a lot of pain.But I also know that there is between us all a world of love, caring and strength.And like Sandee did, we will support each other with our humor, our caring and a healthy dose of worry.

Thank you Sandee for letting me be part of your family.

My mom loved her family and friends beyond everything. Her husband of 40 years this Sunday, May 31, my Dad Ken. Her children, which included not just me and my sister Kate, but Gaia and Katherine, our AFS exchange students from the years in 1989 for Gaia and 1998 for Katheine. She had a close relationship also with both their families as well. She was a kind of surrogate mom to many people. She and my dad hosted many people from all over the world whether for a dinner or a few months stay.

She made friends wherever she went. As a teenager, I would get embarrassed by her drawing attention to us by talking with people when waiting in line and then as an adult found my own kids tugging on me when I stopped to chat to a stranger while in line.

Mom enjoyed traveling and reading reading especially travel novels and non fiction. She was an accomplished quilter and knitter, the latter of which my sister is also talented. Her homemade bread was amazing. She couldn't tell me about a book or movie without giving away too much information. Mom was the person to introduce me to the world of cinema from the 40s and 50s. She could watch a movie over and over again. When I was in high school she obsessed over a song by Sting and had me make a mixtape with just that song played over and over again so that she wouldn't have to keep rewinding it. She was a fan of dark comedies- how many moms do you know of whose favorite movie in 1989 was Heathers.

My mom loved nature - her many kitties she has had through the years, to outdoor nature especially birds and flowers. And despite having grown up in southern CA, she loved winter time the best and thrived in cold Pittsburgh winters. Said it was because it was in her blood- her dad had been in the red army in Russia and had to build igloos in Siberia before coming to the US. My mom and dad both supported a variety of causes that helped the planet, helped people and animals, and also supported human rights organizations.

She wasn't one for religion but was a person who had friends from all walks of life. Most importantly, she was there for us whenever we needed her. Mom nursed me through 3 heart surgeries from 1980 through 2012, after both my kids were born, and after my stroke in 2017. She was supportive of all her children and grandchildren. She gave the best hugs. And she knitted this blanket for me specifically if I ever needed a hug and she wasn't there to give me one in person. (Put blanket around me).

Sandee and Ken visited us in Vermont last August, on their way home from a family reunion in Massachusetts,  It was a special time; we enjoyed seeing both of them, but especially Sandee.  Despite the challenges she was facing, she was happy and engaging, and we had many nice moments together.  We are both happy to have had this time with her.  Kathleen and David Pratt.

Sandee was the best mother-in-law a guy could hope for. I was still in college when I met Erin, and she considerately kept her reservations about the strange, bushy-haired guy her daughter was dating to herself, while (either deliberately or not) encouraging me to stick around by feeding me. Maybe this was her "cat woman" instinct kicking in. If you keep feeding something, it keeps coming back!
Sandee and I really bonded over some of Erin's health scares over the years. We'd keep each other entertained in various waiting rooms, blowing surgical gloves into balloons that we'd bat around (back in the days when surgical gloves were something that could be used once and thrown away). We'd make terrible, dark jokes to each other. And we'd eat - once, while Erin was in the hospital, we chowed down on all you can eat Brazilian BBQ. I'd never seen Sandee put away so much meat before. Another memorable culinary disaster was when we bought about 5lbs of chocolate covered almonds that we dispensed of in about 4 days. Impressive stuff.
During the past several years, she and I would text back and forth about music - she enjoyed telling me about her playlists that she was listening to while getting chemo. I'd send her pictures from concerts - particularly Dead and Company and Willie Nelson - two artists I'd hoped we'd get a chance to see together. We never got that opportunity, but I feel like we shared some concerts all the same.
She fought cancer as well as it can be fought. She took a grim prognosis and managed to squeeze out a few really good years, to the point where it felt like she could go on forever. She showed us all how to appreciate "a few good years" by living them well, with so much joy. When she would try to give things away (gifts, etc), I would tell her - don't get rid of anything yet! I'm betting you'll live long enough to be a burden on your children! (kidding, of course - she knew that). Sadly, she didn't make it to that stage, as that is a "burden" I would have been so happy to take on.
I am really going to miss her. She was a wonderful, caring, loving woman who enjoyed her husband, children and grandchildren so much. I think she even liked her to son-in-laws a bit.... =)
Just the other day the song "Touch of Gray" by the Grateful Dead came on, which had become her cancer survival song, and I was tempted to text her and let her know I was thinking of her. 
Rest well, Sandee - we all love you.