ForeverMissed
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This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, ANTHONY JIHAD LEVINE-FOWLE who was born on April 10, 1986 and passed away on July 3, 2010. We will remember him forever.

January 21
January 21
So I’ll just get right to it. I’m reading a book (of course) and it’s kinda about first love but also not. Anyways, it has me thinking and crying about you. I can’t ever deny that you were my first love. The first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew. I knew it in the depths of my soul. I still know it now. No one can ever take that from you. Sometimes I feel like life is cruel to some of the best people. Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through life not living but just being what I have to be a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, etc. I wish you were still here. Although you were my first love you were also one of my best friends. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could hear your voice. Laugh with you. Joke with you. I miss you so much that it hurts sometimes. I don’t want to keep ranting so I’ll leave this naked truth right here. I love you then, now and forever
January 14
January 14
I wanted to leave a note and tell you everything that is going on but I know you are watching us from heaven. I guess all I really want to say is I love you and will always love you.
July 3, 2023
July 3, 2023
Thirteen Years Today

As I remember the call that I received, Something that I really couldn't believe

This day I always feel, and yes its real. My heart felt like, I was stabbed with steel. 

All I can say, is how I live today, and for my son, I continue to pray. 

His life may be gone, but his spirit live on. Because in my heart, is way I stay strong. 

As my youngest son, is named after him. His memory lives on, again and again.

Family, friends, and those that he love, what we get now is spiritual hugs.

So I just keep doing, what God allow me to do, and that celebrating your life, and celebrating you. 

So I gather with friends, and family too, they also come out, to celebrate you. 

I pray one day, we meet again, in paradise, and I pray we end.

Jihad I love and miss you much!
July 3, 2023
July 3, 2023
I woke up thinking about you. Thinking about what you told me. You wanted to take the boys to see the fireworks. I seen the boys on Facebook and they're so big and handsome. You definitely have your little twin walking around. I cried when I seen them. Like I held him and put him to sleep. I'm trying not to cry now, I will never forget this day cause even when I didn’t know it happened this day , you showed me and always continue to keep your word. I know when any of your songs come on the radio out of no where I know it's you. I miss you so much and Everything about your soul was beautiful. I will always remember the memories and NEVER FORGET YOU I LOVE YOU TONY TOUCHyktv
July 3, 2023
July 3, 2023
I’m still hurting smh … I don’t usually get up here but u been on my mind heavy .. the days that I feel alone I wish you were here … I told u everything .. all those nights we stayed up all night talking and u just being the person I needed to not just be a yes man and tell me when I was doing wrong or when I needed to do better … God knows I miss your smile and the sound of your voice that laugh omg ..:life isn’t fare and we should of never had to be here 13 years with out u any of us that miss u … continue to rest in peace …
April 12, 2023
April 12, 2023
word cant express what im feeling right now... im in so much pain baby boy ,,i though i beat this cancer thing but its back again smhh i trying to fight so hard because you always tell me im strong and a fighter i promise i will continue to fight .. i wish you was here to help we be strong... i miss you sooo much its so painful baby boy but i love to see your friends remember you and no im not alone with missing you they love and miss you to.. my baby boy you will never be forgotten love you alway,, my hert is so broken
April 11, 2023
April 11, 2023
Even though it's been 13 years , I will never forget your birthday. The parties we used to have . We loved watching South Park together. You will always be my first love and happy belated birthday . I miss sleeping next to you . Smelling your scent. Braiding your hair before you cut it when you came back from Florida. I was the first person who you came to see. I remember you coming to my bestie house drunk looking for me , calling me from outside of her window. I remember our conversation and you told me that you would mess with me if anything happened to you. I believe you and I know that you're always reminding me of you. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face. You kept your word and I appreciate it. I will always remember the impact that you had in my life. You taught me so many things and told me so many secrets that I still hold on to. I can have my music on shuffle with all the music we used to listen to and somehow you would make sure your song plays. I miss jumping off the back of your bike cause you were going too fast for me and you was like trust me I got you. I miss watching you do tricks on the bikes that you used to put together. I remember your son crying and I told you let me get him and I put him to sleep for you . I remember your cousin snitching on you cause I was caught at grandma house. I remember the first time I met your mom and you introduced me to her. I will always remember EVERYTHING between US. Keep being my Angel ✨️ . What's understood don't need to be explained.
April 11, 2023
April 11, 2023
Not a day goes by where something in my day happens and I want to call you to tell you about it. You were not only my true love but also one of my best friends. I miss our conversations. I miss being able to talk to you with no judgment. I miss you always making me feel better when I had a bad day. I miss your jokes that made me laugh. I miss us. Love you then, now and forever.
April 11, 2023
April 11, 2023
Happy Heavenly Belated Birthday. I miss and love you always. ♥️♥️
April 10, 2023
April 10, 2023
Happy Heavenly Birthday Tony. You will forever be in my heart. Love & miss you so much nephew, Aunt Qunice(babysitter )❤️❤️❤️
July 4, 2022
July 4, 2022
As salamu alaikum my son it’s been12 years And it still feels like yesterday! May Allah be pleased with you!
April 10, 2022
April 10, 2022
Happy birthday Jihad your dad always reminds me how much little Jihad looks like you. Keep living on through him and enjoy your heavenly birthday. See you on the other side.
April 10, 2022
April 10, 2022
As salamu alaikum wa rahmantullah wa barakatahu. I write this in the spirit of love that I have for you and always will. May Allah be pleased with you and I pray that we meet in Jannah. 
April 10, 2022
April 10, 2022
Happy Birthday to ya. Happy Birthday to ya. Happy Birthday. Happy 36th Birthday Tony. I hope you are having a birthday like no other in heaven. Even though I wish you were here, I know you are in a better place. I love and miss you so much. Then, now and forever. 
July 4, 2021
July 4, 2021
Every year I get an email to remind me of you, it’s been 11 years and I don’t need a reminder of this day or you cause it will forever be in my heart and memory, it was the first time I’ve ever lost someone that was very close to me . We’ve shared so many things together, I wish I could be apart of some of your celebrations and put flowers on your grave. I will never forget the day that I found out you were gone. I was with Kristina and we both cried on the bus , a mutual friend told me what happened and I was so shocked that it was about a month or two later when I found out but at the same time it was so weird, Kristina and I was just thinking about you remembering all the fun times we had and we were wondering why we didn’t hear from you and why you didn’t accept my friend request on Facebook. It was like you were trying to tell me the whole time that you were to be missed. I cry every time because I was just with you at my house and we had a very long talk towards the ending of June. I remember me asking you what you wanted to do for the 4th of July and you said that you just wanted to take your boys to see the fireworks. I will always remember what we had and what we shared, we were always friends first. I miss how you always made me smile, I miss and will always remember your scent, your beautiful smile, your eyes, your touch, your hugs, holding your son for the first time and putting him to sleep for you. I remember you going to Florida for awhile and when you came to nyc , you spent the night with me , I was one of the first people you came to see and you cut your hair lol. You used to always look for me at Kristina house , yelling our names to the window , I remember I gave you my chain to wear and you lost it lol smh , well you told me you took it off to take a shower at your grandmas house and somebody stole it. I forgive you lol.  You taught me so much street smarts and even though you were not perfect, you were perfect for me and I just wished you were with me that day on July 3rd cause I know you will still be here I appreciate everything and will always remember you, until we meet again. Hugs and kisses
July 4, 2021
July 4, 2021
As salamu alaikum my son and praying that you in the comfort of ALLAH's chosen ones for paradise. Like every year and for as long as I live I will offer my way of remembering you with a heavenly bbq. There is not a day that go by that I don't think of you and cry in my heart. Another day of bitter sweetness took place and I made the best of it. I had friends and family that came out to enjoy this moment and support me in this momentous day. As you know if your spirit met with DMX spirit your are partying. Your little brother was a great help for me this entire week and I see so much of you in him. Life is still going on and your life has enhanced my life on how I interact with the world. May ALLAH be pleased with you and grant you paradise. 
July 3, 2021
July 3, 2021
I can't believe its been 11 years. You were an amazing friend, more like family. You taught me how to deal with certain people and situations even though I was hard headed and still had to learn for myself.. You were such a great person to everyone you cared about no matter what. I still don't understand why you had to go smh.. You are truly missed & will never be forgotten. I pray God continues to cover your family. Continue to rest in peace Tony
July 3, 2021
July 3, 2021
Today is a day I never want to remember, don't want to think of it, don't want to acknowledged because everytime this time comes around I have to face my last memory getting the call you got shot and me jumping in the car racing to the hospital to get there and they say no one by the name of Anthony Fowle is here. I thought Ok well maybe he's ok. Trying think positive racing back to the block hoping I could find you and hoping it was all a mistake not thinking for one second I would run into your lifeless body laying in the street covered up and to hear them say HE DIDN'T MAKE IT I was so numb, speechless, hurt, heartbroken Being pregnant at the time and receiving that news My stomach was in knots. Not my baby brother Lord Why? I know we shouldn't question God But til this day I still do and can't understand Why? The most worst first hurtful pain I've had to indure losing a sibling. A different kind of hurt. I can't write anymore. I Miss you Will forever Love You Baby Boy. Continue to be your Big Sis Guardian Angel Til we meet again
July 3, 2021
July 3, 2021
Love & miss u so much nephew. I can still hear u saying, no Auntie I want u to babysit me. Continue to watch over us all
July 3, 2021
July 3, 2021
Happy Birthday "Tony!" You were just a baby when I first saw you. I knew then that you would make a positive impact on other's lives. Your memory is eternal.
July 3, 2021
July 3, 2021
God it been 11 long years with out hearing your voice. And seeing that smile … I miss you so much it hasn’t got easier … my heart is still broken … I love you
April 10, 2021
April 10, 2021
Happy Birthday Tony!! I can't believe today is your 35th birthday. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you or think about you. You were my everything. My friend, my supporter, my protector, my love and my heart. You always believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. So even though you are not here I will celebrate for you like you were here. I pray that you are in heaven still feeling the love that everyone has for you. You touched so many peoples hearts. Happy Birthday again Baby Boy. I love you then, now and forever.
March 22, 2021
March 22, 2021
I choose you.......

I choose you to love.
I choose you to trust.
I choose you to spend the rest of my life with.
I choose you to give you my ♥.
I choose you to be my everything.
You were my day and night.
I choose you to be my world.
I choose you to be my friend.
I choose you to be my protector.
I choose you to dance in the rain with me.
I choose you to be so much, guess I didn't think about if tomorrow never came.
I choose a man that I thought was perfect for me.
I choose you because although there are two of us there was only one ♥.
There was no begin or end.
There was just us, loving, understanding and knowing.
I choose someone who knew me better then anyone else.
I choose you because you could deal with my mood swings.
I choose you above all else because you loved me for me.
My heart is full when I think of you.

(I’m not even sure if I posted this but as soon as I came on the leave a tribute this was saved in my drafts. I miss you so much and you will always be my first true love and always have my heart.)
April 10, 2020
April 10, 2020
In one lifetime, you will love many times but one love will burn your soul forever!
April 10, 2020
April 10, 2020
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY, I MISS YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR BEING THE LOVING SILLY PERSON THAT YOU WERE , YOU ALWAYS BROUGHT SMILES TO MY HEART. I WILL FOREVER THINK ABOUT YOU AND LOVE YOU TIL WE MEET AGAIN , HUGS N KISSES!!
April 10, 2020
April 10, 2020
Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday Dear Tony. Happy Birthday to you. I can't believe it you're officially 34 today. Today I smile thinking about you and what you would have been doing to celebrate your birthday. I would have been celebrating with you today. I'm gonna take a shot especially for you today. I really wish you were here. I know you are having an amazing party in heaven.

True Love Never Dies. I will and have always loved you.
July 12, 2019
July 12, 2019
9 years have past since you have been gone and not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. There are times when I need someone to talk to and my first thought is damn I wish Tony was here. You always know how to make me feel better. You always knew the right things to say. You knew the words that would go right to my heart. I miss you so much. I still have that list you wrote me about the reasons you love me and I pull it out when I’m feeling down and instantly there is a smile on my face. It’s amazing how someone can affect your life so much. You left an impact not only in my life but in my heart. I am lucky to have known you but even luckier to have loved you and received your love in return. There is nothing I can say that you don’t already know. I hope you can feel my love in heaven. No one can ever take that from you. I will always love you. I wish that you were still here a lot. You were my person! My friend, my encouragement, my ride or die. You always had my back and I always had yours. I miss that friendship. I miss you!
I love you then, now and forever!
April 10, 2019
April 10, 2019
Happy Birthday Baby Boy. Missing you more and more. Wish you were here to celebrate turning 33 but your mother and family will celebrate in the best way for you. I love you Then, Now and Forever.
April 10, 2018
April 10, 2018
Happy Birthday To You! Happy Birthday To You! Happy Birthday Dear Tony. Happy Birthday To You! The big 32. Miss and love you.
March 21, 2018
March 21, 2018
It has been a long time since I have been on here to say something. It's crazy because I was talking to Alison on Sunday and it totally slipped her mind that you were gone. She asked me how you were doing and noticed she made a big mistake lol. She is crazy and felt so bad after. Sometimes I forget too and be thinking in my head damn I want to call Tony. I miss our conversations. I miss us being friends. I miss us being us when we were together. You made me a better person and I always strive to make you proud of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm lost without you. I truly wish you were here. There is so much I want to tell you so much I want to hear from you. I was going through my emails and found some of our old messages. I laughed then cried because I we can't have those conversations anymore and it hurts so much when someone was such a big part of your life then they are suddenly gone. I am gonna be a mess when spring finally comes and that tree on my block flowers bloom. You kissed me under that tree. That is the memory that replay in my head when the flowers bloom. It reminds me of cherry blossoms, I dunno why. I'm just rambling right now I know but I feel like I have so much to say to you. I am no where near perfect but you made me feel like I was close. You had that ability to make me believe in myself, in love and in life. You pop up into my head when I least expect it. I was just thinking about you being allergic to seafood and you ate some rice your mom made not know what was in it because you were hungry and having a allergic reason. Us talking while you were in the ER. I often wonder what would life be like if you were still here. I know I shouldn't make myself sad because reality always hits me hard like a punch to the heart. I imagine us still close as ever. Talking everyday and helping each other through everything. I imagine my phone ringing and seeing your name pop up and smiling because you always make my day better. I can hear you telling me a funny story. I hear you asking me about my day and telling me about yours. Talking like we haven't spoken in years but we just spoke the day before. How is it you always make me feel like that 15 year old girl seeing you for the first, taking my breath away. I imagine us always being there for each other no matter what. I guess I do this to feel like your always with me no matter where I am in life. I can't thank you enough for everything you did for me. I love you Then, Now and Forever.
March 21, 2018
March 21, 2018
Going through some emails and found this. Needed to share it.


By urs truly Tony Touch


I carry ur heart wit me all da time I carry
it inside my heart I'm never without it anywhere
I go u go,baby I fear no fate cuz u r my fate,
my love I want no world cuz u r my world da
depth of ur eyes, ur essence, ur very presence
makes me weak da comfort of ur body, da warmth of ur soul u practically
melt my heart da moment we kiss And da 1st moment we did, I knew dat I
loved u Yea I'm a nigga but I could have cried when u said u loved me 2
I could have held u forever and died dat very day If I had gone n ur
arms, I wouldn't want it any other way ur my
life, my death, my beginning and my end, My love, my baby, my wife and
best friend I'm ur man Watever u want watever u need, baby I'm here 4 u
I'd fight worlds 4 u, r remove every thorn on every rose I'll die a 1,000
deaths 2 show how much I care I'm not sayin I'm perfect, not even close
But if anyone loves u, I think I love u da most I love every inch of u,
inside and out and now dat I found you, I found out wat my life is all
about.
July 4, 2017
July 4, 2017
Can't believe it has been 7 years you've been gone , and when I think about it, it becomes unreal to me until I see my memories on facebook of you , I just wanna write that I'll be forever missing you and I will always love you to the moon and back , til infinity and beyond, happy 4th of July. Ps. You always told me that if you was to pass away that you would always mess with me and do things to mess with me I thought you were joking but through out these years I see you wasn't playing , I know it's you cause I feel your presence and I always think about what you told me , I just want you to know that sometimes I get scared but I don't mind I'm used to it now, I thank God for you being in my life, IN FLESH AND SPIRIT, I'm always sad July 3rd , I will never forget the day of your birthday and the day you passed , thank you and continue to watch over me until we meet again S.I.P XOXOXOXO
April 10, 2017
April 10, 2017
HAPPY 31ST BIRTHDAY. LOVE & MISS U SO MUCH TONY. CONTINUE TO SHINE UR LIGHT ON UR FAMILY. Miss u my other son/nephew.
February 4, 2017
February 4, 2017
I know I said I'm not angry anymore about you being taken away but I am a little right now. Mostly because I just watched a movie called You Before Me. The ending the guy this girl loved was ending his life due to his disability. He made up his mind before they met to do it but to the point. She got to say bye. Of course you came to mind cuz I never said goodbye. I know I shouldn't dwell in the past or be angry but I can't help it sometimes. So many things go through my mind. So many times I replay our relationship and friendship in my mind and feel like maybe I could have done something differently. If I didn't have my family and your family didn't welcome me with open arms and hearts like they did I dunno if I would have made it. My cousin passed away and I couldn't stay at the funeral. I hold it all in. I just hope y'all are friends in heaven. Take care of each other. Love you then, now and until forever
January 25, 2017
January 25, 2017
I was outside looking at the stars and for every one I seen I gave a reason why I love you. I was doing good until I ran out of stars.......
July 4, 2016
July 4, 2016
I miss you and love you always. It's amazing how you meet people and they can change your life forever. You were my first love and no one can ever take your place. It was amazing being with you and being your friend. I miss talking to you the way we did. You knew everything about me and could tell something was wrong with just one look. I miss the way we could talk on the phone for hours about anything and everything. I love that you were so caring and had a forgiving heart. I miss looking into your eyes and getting butterflies. I miss being silly with you. I just really miss you. I know everything happens for a reason and God has a plan so I am no longer angry that you are gone but have accepted it and enjoy the memories we had. I was going through some stuff the other day and found the pictures that we took together. All I could do was smile and cry a little. It's still a process but I will continue to work on it lol. Just know you were an amazing person and changed my life so much. You taught me how to love myself and how to love someone more then myself. I Love You Tony Then, Now & Forever
July 3, 2016
July 3, 2016
CONTINUE TO SLEEP IN PEACE, MY HANDSOME NEPHEW/SON....THE BABYSITTER/AUNT QUNICE. LOVE U FOREVER & A DAY. MISS U SOOOO MUCH!!!
April 10, 2016
April 10, 2016
Happy 30th Birthday Tony!!!!
I almost forgot what today was due to me being sick but I was thinking about it yesterday. The big 3-0 I could only imagine the party you are having in heaven right now. I could only imagine the party you would be having if you were alive. I can see you know with that camera in your hand and smiling while taking pictures. I always seen the passion in your eyes, heard the passion in your voice and felt that passion in your soul when it came to photography. I just knew you were gonna make your dreams come true. I always wish for that for you. You were and are always in my heart. As I sit here in this hospital bed leaving this message. I think about the time I brought you that singing birthday card and it puts a smile on my face because it put a smile on yours. I wish I could go to the cemetery right now just to lay next to you. Play the song from my sweet sixteen that became our song (Slow Jam by Usher and Monica) and just talk to you even though I know you can't talk back. Just to do something that makes me feel closer to you right now. Today is a big day for you so celebrate in heaven and save a spot for me when the time comes for me to join you. I love you Then, Now, Until Forever.......
January 4, 2016
January 4, 2016
Happy New Year!!
I've been thinking about you lately. I just can't help it. You always seem to pop into my head. I miss you so much. I took the A train today and as soon as I seen those 3 stops my heart started racing. You always seem to make my heart race. Your not even here and my heart still races. Crazy right? If I could turn back the hands of time. I would stop this heart break of you being taken away from everybody. You truly are one of a kind. Love you then now and forever.
November 19, 2015
November 19, 2015
Looking at my internet pages on my phone and this one is in my bookmarks. It's been awhile since I wrote something to you. Only thing I can say is I miss you and love you so much. Wish you were here.
July 6, 2015
July 6, 2015
It's been 5 years. I can't believe it. 5 years is a long time, not a day goes by that I don't miss you. I had to surprise mommy and dad at your annual BBQ. I absolutely love the look on their faces when they seen me because they thought I wasn't coming. So many people show up everyevery year and very year you can feel the love that so many people had for you. It is amazing how even thought your gone you can bring so many people together. By the time everybody leave they have gotten to know someone new, someone who's life was touched by you. Your family are amazing people and I love them so much. They have become my family. I know your mother says that i make her cry but she makes me cry because she reminds me of you. That loving and caring personality of yours. Your whole family reminds me of you. They took not only me into their arms but my family as well. I miss you so much. I find myself thinking about all the stuff we went through, the good and the bad. I thank god for allowing me to have you in my life for so many years. They say it is better to have loved and lost then not have loves at all. I believe that with all my heart. Words can't express the love i still have for you. You made me a better person. Your mother is gonna beat my butt if I don't come visit her lol. I miss you and wish you were here. I love you Then, Now, Until Forver. I carry you in my heart always.........
July 4, 2015
July 4, 2015
YESTERDAY MORNING YOU WAS ON MY MIND AND I KEPT THINKING ABOUT YOU , IT WAS LIKE I WOULD THINK OF SOMETHING GOOD AND THEN I WOULD THINK OF SOMETHING BAD AND WOULD WANNA CRY BUT FOR SOME REASON EVERY TIME MY EYES START TO WATER SOMETHING FUNNY YOU DID TO MAKE ME LAUGH POPPED UP IN MY HEAD AND I WOULD START LAUGHING AND CRYING AT THE SAME TIME , I KNOW IT WAS YOU PUTTING ALL THE GOOD MEMORIES IN MY HEAD IT WAS LIKE I FELT YOU AROUND ME AGAIN, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR AND SEE ME SO I KNOW YOU ALWAYS GET MY MESSAGE EVEN IF I LOOK LIKE I'M TALKING TO MYSELF LOOKING CRAZY STILL CONTINUE TO HAVE MY BACK AND WATCH OVER ME , I APPRECIATE IT AND I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU TAUGHT ME AND EVERY LESSON THAT WAS RECEIVED HAPPY 4TH OF JULY BABY BOY! HUGS N KISSES MUAHZZZZZ!! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY THOUGHTS. AND I KNOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU, YOU ARE THE VERY FIRST MAN I EVER FELL IN LOVE WITH AND NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT!! S.I.P I KEEP HEARING SO MANY DIFFERENT STORIES ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THAT DAY AND I JUST WANT THE TRUTH, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY
July 4, 2015
July 4, 2015
EVERY YEAR I WILL ALWAYS DEDICATE THIS SONG TO YOU!
   MARSHA AMBROSIUS (FAR AWAY)! EVEN THOUGH IT'S REALLY A SUICIDE SONG THE WORDS EXPRESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU WITHOUT THE SUICIDE PART, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOUR GONE, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOUR NOT HERE! I MISS YOU! HE WAS MY PERFECT MATCH MY SOULMATE ( SAGITTARIUS & ARIES) WE KEPT EACH OTHERS FIRE BURNING!! GOD BLESS YOU , YOU'RE IN A BETTER PLACE! UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN! I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER! #TOMYFIRSTLOVE I MISS HIS TOUCH! I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HIS VOICE! I LOVE HEARING IT IN MY DREAMS ! I WISH YOU WERE WITH ME IN THE BRONX THAT DAY, THINGS WOULD'VE BEEN SO DIFFERENT, I JUST WISH I COULD DO EVERYTHING WITH YOU ONE MORE OR ONE LAST TIME
July 4, 2015
July 4, 2015
A LETTER TO MY FIRST LOVE MY TONY TOUCH!
word's can't express the way i feel for you or about you, i thought about you all day yesterday, about the ups n downs but mostly all the great times we had together , sometimes i wish it was just a dream cause you were just at my house the third week of June and of course we had alot of fun ( especially in the shower), i always try to remember exactly what we talked about word for word and i remember you telling me how you felt like you was a boy maker and you was skeptical about that little girl and you told me how you wanted to take your boys to see the fireworks for the 4th of July, you was always a good friend to me despite that you had a girlfriend named j that you told me that was too clingy lol you still came around, one day i remember you and the bestie kept telling me to get a facebook and if i wanted to contact you, you'll always be on facebook lol , so about a month later i finally signed up to facebook and i sent you a friend request you and the bestie were already friends and i asked her why you didn't add me yet? Me being busy with my kids and working i really wasn't on facebook , now it's the ending of august and the bestie n I are missing you like crazy wondering where you are since i lived in the bronx we went to brooklyn to look for you or somebody you knew, so we planned to go out there that weekend but for some reason it was like you were trying to tell me something the whole time, i felt your spirit around us , we kept joking about things you used to do and say from south park, i was telling brist how i missed watching you do tricks on the bike , how you taught me how to pick locks n stuff lol, i remember you being drunk a few times coming to my best friend house yelling my name out the window looking for me, i remember the first time you cut your hair and you just came from Kissimmee florida and i was the first person you came to see, i felt so special , i remember being caught by your aunt in your grandma house , i remember spending the night at rhanette house on new years and her mother caught us in the bed and she told me to go in the living room lol , i remember meeting your beautiful mother and grandma and brother Ness for the first time, long story short we had a lot of history i loved the fact you trusted me with your son one summer day your baby mother dropped him off and travis came upstairs at trini house and was like here you go step mother cause he was crying and i put him to sleep, So the weekend is here and we get on the 4 train to the 3 to new lots and as soon as we're coming down the stairs we see deebo walking wit some girl so we stopped him like wassup where's everybody at? Where's my TOUCH? So all he did was pull up his sleeve and showed us his tattoo on his arm and we both looked at each other like stop playing you joking and he was like yea ya mad late this happened like 2 months ago , i tried to be as strong as i can but when we got on the 15 bus we both just broke down everyone was looking at us like we're crazy, i cried all the way home realizing that the whole time you was trying to tell us yourself us not knowing that we were really suppose to miss you for real , when i walked in the house the movie princess and the frog was just going off and the first song i heard on tv was by NEYO (Best thing i ever knew i needed) i will never forget that because i feel like you were trying to dedicate it to me so every time i hear it i become sad , i will never forget riding on the back of your bike and me saying slow down cause i was so scared lol I WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT WE HAD! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY FIRST LOVE!
April 26, 2015
April 26, 2015
Hey Babe. Just wanted to dedicate a song to you.
Long Distance by Bruno Mars
Basically he's saying there not much he can do to get back to the one he love. How he wish she was with him but can't be. How the long distance is killing him. How hard it is not being with her.
This song just hits my soul everytime I hear it and I always want to cry but I love the song and can't help but listen. I can't really tell you how I feel so I sing songs and hope they reach you in heaven. I love you then, now and forever.....
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January 21
January 21
So I’ll just get right to it. I’m reading a book (of course) and it’s kinda about first love but also not. Anyways, it has me thinking and crying about you. I can’t ever deny that you were my first love. The first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew. I knew it in the depths of my soul. I still know it now. No one can ever take that from you. Sometimes I feel like life is cruel to some of the best people. Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through life not living but just being what I have to be a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, etc. I wish you were still here. Although you were my first love you were also one of my best friends. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could hear your voice. Laugh with you. Joke with you. I miss you so much that it hurts sometimes. I don’t want to keep ranting so I’ll leave this naked truth right here. I love you then, now and forever
January 14
January 14
I wanted to leave a note and tell you everything that is going on but I know you are watching us from heaven. I guess all I really want to say is I love you and will always love you.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOUCH ILY

April 10, 2022
I wanna start by saying first and foremost HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I miss you . Your mom is still looking beautiful as ever , just like I met her. Your dad is doing real good as well I love the way he expresses his love for you. I got woken up today by your bestie Kristina and she asked me was it your birthday? lol it was the dream for me, you play too much. She said that she had a dream that we were at a party but she couldn’t see who party it was so she asked me who party this is? And I gave her the only stupid and dumb look , like are you ok? And when she went to look back to see who it was , it was YOU. Why am I NOT surprised you told us that if anything happened to you that you would always be with us and mess with us. I believe you and I times I know that you always remind me of you and our relationship. There’s always a random song that just comes on outta no where that we used to listen to and I know that it’s you. I will always blast the songs we’ve listened to together. This year your birthday landed on a blessed Sunday so it’s my dedicated gospel music day , however I would throw you in there with some reggae . You will always be missed and I will forever ♾  always love you . I’ve became more spiritual and had a spiritual awakening just so I can meditate ‍♀️ , I’m learning tarot cards and have been very sensitive to a lot of different types of energies. Keep coming to me and bestie in our dreams. We think it’s a little weird but love the fact that you kept your word, after all these years your spirit is still here and I might not see you but I know that I can feel you once I get goosebumps lol I will always remember our memories together I know I will see you again. Right now as I write this ending you are reminding me of the first time you told me your whole real name. it was too funny the way you told me and I will always remember that joke too . You’re so silly HUGS AND KISSES  . Ps: THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU TAUGHT ME it definitely came in handy. I LOVE YOU ANTHONY ❤️ I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

Thinking about you

July 3, 2020
Hey boo, I thought about you just the other day, driving through your little chill spots, Kristina did as well. I know your birthday just past and with tears in my eyes as I know you'll see. Kristina and I will always love you and miss you. Until we meet again we will always remember and reminisce about you. I also know that when I think about you, it's because you put that there as we already had this conversation when you were here. Remembering My first love.I miss you and I love you 

No title

September 13, 2013
Today I thought about you... I don't know what it was that made me but your face just popped up in my head... And I miss you soon much. I never got to spend as much time as I wanted to with you. The last time I saw you were were in your place because I went down to visit your mother. We caught up and talked about when we were younger, back when it was easier to see each other. And as we grew up we grew apart...You were one of my most favorite people in this world because you always had my back...You never made me feel bad about myself or put me down. You helped me with a new look on life the last time I saw you and it's what made me go home and try to change some things. You were my big brother... My only big brother at the time... I jus wish I could have had more time with you...I hope you are up there in heaven and know how much I love you and how I miss you. Rest easy bro

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